Those "7 signs"

I stumbled upon this reel on IG that shares the 7 signs that a man is manifesting you. And boy, I think I got almost every item checked. There's one in particular that I have to admit hating to experience. Or maybe there are two...

1. I don't know how often "random" could get.

2. It's a unique name but the initials usually just pop out of nowhere, when I'm not on "random" thinking of this person. As for things that remind me, there a lot. Like a lot. Again, it happens when I am not experiencing number 1.

3. Ugh. 'Nuff said.

4. The showing up happens in random, like yeah unexpectedly. But I have a bad theory whenever this happens.

5. Good heavens. I want this to stop. Brain, please.

6. I don't know if I actually experience this or is it because I tend to randomly think of him. Perhaps I should stop making memories with him. But our interactions are inevitable.

7. For those times that remind me of this, I think I'm just being delulu...

For real. I want these to stop. I want to move forward and have my mind filled with other things, and of course other people.

Now Playing: Ai Higuchi i If Filled with Rain

Preoccupations

I just read a draft dated April 14 about something that has been a preoccupation this whole year until I told my INTJ friend about it. After that chat, things have been easier to bear. But there's another preoccupation that I could hardly bear. It's too massive I don't know how to get started.

Now I am wondering if I am treating the prevailing preoccupation like I now do with the new preoccupation. For the latter is something I intentionally dismiss nowadays. It's also something I am pushing away. I also know that I can live with or without it. Without it, the better. Or so I thought. Who knows.

Between the prevailing and new preoccupations, I will definitely choose the former over the latter. It's not even about which is better but rather which weighs more in my heart.

More so, if asked with the question above, it's definitely a go.

Now Playing: ALi - Carry On

Late 28th year thoughts

Tic, tac; tic, tac.

Just a few more hours before the last day of my 28th year. I want to make it count. I want tomorrow to be a good start. I like fresh beginnings. There's something fascinating about getting started, stripped of the burdens of the past.

For the past couple of days, I've been thinking of listing the things that I am thankful of. I have to grateful. I want to develop that character.

And speaking of character development, I also want to develop something in particular and that is strength. I want to be strong in a lot of ways - physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. Basically in every area of my life.

I need to be strong because I've been reckoning in embarking into something. That also explains why Natasha Romanov is featured here. There's something about that character that reminded me of some things.

It'll be like a Jane Doe experience. Pardon the use of Ms. Anonymous slash Alice/Remi's "name" but it has nothing to do with Blindspot's plot. It's more of, if you (or I) were Jane Doe, how would you like to be known? Who would you like to be?

We all have that option, to bring in something new to our lives each day. I would like to do that. Today ends a year, a set of jubilee years. Tomorrow will be more than just a new day. Tomorrow will be the start of a new year, of another decade and another jubilee.

Btw, of course I have to sneak in Jane's photo. This one's pretty good because it's like she's moving forward without forgetting the past, just leaving it behind where it perfectly belongs.

Now Playing: Dana Williams & Leighton Meester - Dreams

Yom Kippur thoughts

Yom Kippur has just ended but I feel like I have to treat the next days as one. First, I'm no orthodox in observing this holiday. I don't remember being orthodox with anything. Judaism is not my religion. I don't even have one to begin with. But I am a Christian.

The thing that sticks most with me within the past 24 hours is how I make choices in this life. I can't just "live" in a fleeting manner. I'm not here to simply get through the day, so I make the most of what I have and what I can the best way I know and believe.

Since last month, something has been pretty persistent that it has become quite a preoccupation. It got stronger each day that I would sometimes find myself  "consumed" by it. It just won't let go. I've thought that I got to do something about it. It's not going to be easy. There will be a lot of uncertainties, not to mention that I am quite cynical so good luck to that. But despite all these, I know that I have to "follow" it, lest I either regret it when my life ends or get bothered every single day.

If I fail, I thought, so be it. I know I would give my best shot, which somehow puts me at ease. I just want to make sure that I am not neglecting it.

Earlier, a moment of anxiety hit me. But I got reminded of all the people who failed, not once or even twice, until they made it. I got reminded of someone's post saying that if it doesn't scare you then you don't really want it, something like that. Not knowing what tomorrow holds without any guarantee that I can take hold of the control wheel...

But I know I still have something that I can truly control - my reaction. It's a matter of faith and what mine is made of.

Now Playing: Bon Jovi - Always

Yellow Snake

It was on Monday when I dreamt of a yellow snake. When I saw it, I immediately killed it. Interesting because before it was a black snake. But more than the change of the serpent's colour, I find the timing more interesting. It happened on October 3, about afternoon when Rosh Hashanah was approaching.

Since then I've been wondering what my dream meant. Although dreams are personal, I wonder if there's another meaning to it. Yellow for me is usually, if not always, associated with the Aquinos of Tarlac and the Liberal Party.

What else could this mean?

Snake, snake, snake...

31 July 2016

So I dreamed of a snake in my dream, one massive cobra to be exact.

At first I thought it was dead when I stumbled upon it. I thought it died of chocking from eating a... cat. The mammal was still halfway inside the giant snake. And judging from its head, the snake seemed to be a cobra. One very dark cobra. I even walked beside it, at least twice.

The second time I took a look at the cobra, I realized that it was still alive. I tried to think how to react properly. I wasn't really afraid, more of a confused. I think I was kicking it because it was moving its head, I thought out of reflex. Seems like it was really moving its head. I'm not sure if I was bitten but it got its mouth on my left leg. I wasn't harmed, perhaps I was able to kick it out.

Thankfully, it wasn't "strong" enough to get up and fight back. Thinking about it, that early dawn dream was all about snakes.

I entered a door made of wood, one that has screen on top. That kind. Then I realized that a snake was trying to enter the room through a hole on the lower part of the door. I tried to push the door close or better say seal it. The snake was still in black colour.

In another room was Tita and some other people I can't remember who. I asked Tita if the snake was already killed, but it seemed like they were still trying to subdue and kill it when I arrived.

There's more to this but I'll have to take time remembering the details first. Nevertheless, I'll just post this.

Now Playing: Flip Grater - Marry Me

A Mind's Vision

I think it was last Tuesday or Wednesday when I thought I was still awake when in fact I was already asleep. I came to realize that I was in fact asleep when I tried to pull out my sleep mask but could not no matter how many times I tried. It was like the movie Inception. Even before that, I sensed that I could 'navigate' what was 'in front' of me as if my sleep mask was only a lace which still gives me a glimpse of what's in front.

This incident came to my remembrance as I read a BBC article about Tunnel Vision. The subject could not see the whole picture quite literally. She could see an object or image but would fail to identify the other items. That's what she's aware of consciously. I believe her unconscious mind has been aware of the other things all along. It's interesting though why her brain would withhold an information that is typically and readily available to other people.

Overall, the brain has always been an interesting organ. It's both complex and fascinating at the same time.

Random Post Blindspot Thoughts

It feels very much like how Jane came out of that bag at the Time Square. Well, at least after she recovered from the blinding lights. It's like facing a fork wondering which way to go. It's pretty confusing. Which is right, which is not? Which is safe, which one is a trap?

There're a whole lot of skills set available for survival but things don't seem to get right. It's never that sweet spot feeling. Sometimes I wish I could put on INTJ's decisiveness and make that decision then immediately work on it. Although I have INTJ tendencies, it's that trait that I can't or could hardly put on. The doubts, perhaps even fear or anxiety, just keep holding back. But more than the doubt, it just never feels right.

And yes, it brings me back to Jane Doe. Although our situations are not the same, there's a similarity. There's something that I could relate with her. Too much blindspot. Blindspot.

Well, I am making the connection because I missed Blindspot a lot. I can't wait for episode 2 but I'm glad to take the time. The season 2 premiere was intense enough.

I can actually work things through pouring everything whenever possible, but it's the lack of eureka that keeps me from doing so. Until I firmly believe in something, everything else is clouded.

Something's been bugging me since late last month. I tried to "close" it because it's consuming much of my "thinking time" but it's been pretty persistent. I've actually made an attempt to close it a couple of years back but it wasn't successful. I'm hoping I could close things properly, if ever they need to be closed. And it'd be great if I could tell which way to go if I see that fork again.

Now Playing: Susie Suh - Give Me Heart

Of coffee and the Pascuals at the grocery

I set my alarm earlier so I could wake up, of course, and have enough time to prepare for work later. It was supposed to give me 4 hours of sleep, if I stick to 'schedule.' However, I woke up in just almost two hours having remembered a dream that involved these: grocery, coffee, Iñigo Pascual, and Piolo Pascual.

Grocery. I was in a grocery shopping for some items but I only remembered having decided to purchase the Blend 45 brown coffee. I was also checking the Knorr seasoning in cubes. I was actually reading the ingredients!

Iñigo Pascual. I was sitting in a corner when I noticed Iñigo Pascual roaming around offering/convincing people to buy this particular brand of coffee. Unfortunately, I can't remember the brand. I was sitting in one place reading something and grabbed a pack from his hand and put it in my basket then continued reading.

Piolo Pascual. I was still reading, perhaps a magazine, when someone suddenly stood in front of me. I took a peek from my magazine and saw that it was Piolo Pascual. He was holding a box of powdered milk with red (?) cover something. He was trying to convince me to purchase it too. 

The talk eventually led to a question if I recognized the other people "endorsing" the product. Their faces were actually on the rear part of the box. I said I kind of recognize one of the four but I can't remember her name. I said I think it's Nicole. Piolo then asked me if I remember one of her projects. I was about to say something but it's a GMA project, with Rhian Ramos on it, so I kept mum for the mean time.

Checking now, the person's name is actually Cai Cortez.

Now I wonder, are the Pascuals endorsing a coffee brand?

24 July 2016

This day marked my 11th month with BPI.

I made a little 'celebration' to commemorate the day by having tea and cake. How British. I should've had a black coffee and something Jewish or at least Mediterranean.

Havin’ a cup of #Tea and a slice of #VanillaTigerRoll for a mini-celebration.With my journal and #HappyJar that witnessed 11 months of #VisionAndPerseverance. Because someone saw somethin’ I did not. #BlackPearlConsultancy

Indeed, it had been 11 months of perseverance and adherence to a vision. Working back at BPI is sort of a dream come true. I didn't technically wished to be back but I hoped for something, which I've been doing these past months.

How so? It all began after I finished reading The Last Jihad series, which I completed in June 2014. I wondered what it'd be like to be in the shoes of Jon Bennett and Erin McCoy. Of course, minus the former's tough experience in Jerusalem prior to his assignment and the latter's... I don't know. McCoy is my favourite character in The Last Jihad. 

Patience is a virtue indeed and I thank God for allowing me to have this experience.

I also remember an encounter with our managing director months before I came back to BPI. I saw him at the Legazpi Sunday Market at the first half of last year. I approached him just to say hi. He said I looked familiar. Wooh..

Now Playing: Howie Day - Collide

Keen Dream

I had a dream this morning, when I went back to sleep, about something I could only describe as something as fugitive-like. Reminds me of Elizabeth Keen.

In my dream, I was supposed to be chasing something or someone but I later suspected to have become a target. I think there was also someone I was "competing" with who was like... I could only describe him as someone like Loki. That's what I seemed to be thinking in my dream.

Then there's someone in my dream that I could really describe as a dream guy. He looked like Ben Affleck (uhm, excuse my hair please) but he seemed to be acting and treated like someone I knew before. This someone I 'knew' was a colleague for a couple of months. And he reminded me of Tom Keen. He did something for me that Tom did for Liz. Ugh, my heart! I miss that couple. I miss The Blacklist.

Btw, this guy was invited to Boracay. Why? Anyway, he positioned his left hand in a way that was free to move. He was holding something but later stopped because of wariness. I think he said something like, "Baka malagot pa ako" or "Baka lumaki kamay ko." Weird huh? Well, obviously the guy only looked like Ben Affleck because Ben doesn't speak Tagalog. And this guy spoke the way my colleague would.

There was a "Lost in Translation" scene minus the parting of ways. It was more like an attempt to hide among the crowd. The dream ended that way but left me with a warm feeling when I woke up. I was also confused but one thing or two was made clear to me. I welcome the Tom-like treatment. For another, I am also at risk of allowing something. I learned the latter just earlier when I was already in the office.

Now Playing: Love is on the Way

Weird but interesting dreams

June 7. 

We were riding a bus with two of the passengers being Jady and Roland M. The latter got off when the bus stopped in I don't know where.

June 7, again.

It involved a classroom setting where some of my classmates, not sure when in my student life, were also present. But I am sure to be sitting opposite Neko who was on my left. We were sitting on the front row.

Someone was speaking in front and drew close to Neko and I, sitting as he was saying something about Canada, for which we reacted with amusement and 'low' five. I mentioned to Neko, "Si Kim!" as I remembered (according to my dream) our friend/sister Kimberly saying something about Canada.

The man also whispered very close to me of which I remember saying, "I was actually thinking of Canada," and "Thank you." The gratitude was in response to something he did, which was very intimate.

I woke to this dream confused because the one who whispered to Neko and I was from Germany but now working in Switzerland, I believe. And with regard to my statement about Canada, I don't remember saying that in real life.

June 8. I was pregnant, about 4 months in gestation I think.

MD who?

I got to check my blog entries under the category "Dream," because I got something related to this that got me thinking about lately. Then I saw one entry talking about one I called MD. Now I wonder what kind of cryptography I used for this. I can't figure it out now.

There are some descriptions but they're vague. I can't remember what I was talking about. And it's horrible.

Now Playing: Matchbox Twenty - Bright Lights

Sailing in my head

I had another dream similar to the one I had twice in a day. This time I got impressed with an act. Someone delivered something in my tongue, flawlessly. I think it's the third 'day' I've had this thing in my dreams in the past seven days. Cue: Only When I Sleep...

Having those experiences in my dreams is good. But having them in real life is better. And I had that today. I know I've been planning something, which is supposed to be contrary to what I'm having, but I'm simply taking what the universe is leading me to concerning this.

It feels like I'm back to my usual experience before, like in particular place and time. But it'll end soon. If I get lucky, perhaps sooner. Though it'd be nice to get in touch, I think.

Now Playing: The Corrs - Only When I Sleep

Glad to be present

I'm glad I came to work today. I've been thinking of skipping work because I wasn't feeling very fine. But I thought I should fight the situation and am so glad I did.

For two separate yet consecutive dreams, something particular was present. And it happened that I got an actual encounter to this thing today, which I wouldn't have had if I was absent. Perhaps there would still be a chance, perhaps not.

As for the dreams I had, I won't be talking about them here. Perhaps in another post.

I actually had two encounters to this thing, one indirect and another a direct one. Oh, there was also another, but it's sort of on my end only. Ugh! I don't know what to call it. It's the first compared to the direct and indirect encounters.

I'm just happy about the encounters and I want to keep this day remembered, at least in an archive way. Perhaps one day I'd forget about it. I may not even know what on earth I am talking about here if I get to read this post a couple of years later.

Let me just say that I got a good moment in time.

Emotion Explosion

Contrary to popular belief, I am not without emotions. And I am not talking about anger, which seemed to be the prominent one in the first two decades of my life. Talk about it I shall not indulge. Rather, the emotions I am referring to and claim to have are the same ones that other people have. Only on a different degree and setting.

What prompted me to write this blog entry is someone with the initials of MD. I just took a peek of his recent, perhaps still work in progress, project. I wish I had the chance to take part in it. I wish. I also happened to see one of his old projects, which was totally, at least for me, mind blowing. It also gave me bunch of tachycardia and tachypnea. Crazy project, I dare say, but I wonder why I've never heard about it until today.

Having done so brought a lot of emotions into the table. Ideas came in. Thoughts were brought out. Desires came back to the surface.

Now I am looking back on the things that MD has done. I would love to take part in the same project with him. Perhaps someday, perhaps never.

First PNR Ride

This blog entry is quite late, but never mind.

I got one of my 1001 Things checked last 8 March 2015. It was Sunday, after our first visit to Ate Kay's place - Casa Peralta in Parañaque. After 27 years on earth, I finally got to ride the PNR. Woohoo!

From Pasay Road Station, I dropped off at Tutuban Station. I actually went to Manila to buy a pair of safety shoes, because we had a Monday deadline to EPPI - 68 Roces. Anyway, I was thankful for the company. Those boys were really helpful.

But I have to admit, and ask. Was I like a lost child then? I can always go to any place I haven't been to before on my own. But did I appear as if I could get lost? Oh well..

For some reason/s, perhaps watching too much J-Dramas back then, trains have a way of making me think of Japan. The pic above made me think of Summer Nude in particular.

This one below, on the other hand, reminds me of The Chronicles of Narnia and Harry Potter.

Now Playing: Yamashita Tomohisa and SMAP - Summer Nude 13

My first musical play in Baguio

I think it's the first time that I got to watch a (live) musical play. And it was for free. Lucky me!

It all started with my following the traffic rule at Igorot Park, which was the "No Loading and Unloading." Thus I decided to get off a bit farther because I thought the jeepney driver was also following the traffic rule. I thought wrong. So before I get "lost," I decided to get off before the next corner. As soon as I did there I saw a tarpaulin inviting people to watch a 3-act musical play about the story of Kennon. At first I thought it was about the man, Maj. Lyman Lennon. I was quite in a hurry so I didn't read everything on the tarp. But I did read global peace, history (or something about that), and the most important of all: free. I've already walked past the tarpaulin but as those key words began to sink in I thought it'd be nice to get to know the history of the City of Baguio.

Going to Baguio General Hospital and Medical Center (BGHMC) and in a computer shop were my original agenda last Wednesday. It was Matteo's birthday! I still went to BGHMC but also decided to drop by the Baguio Convention Center to watch the musical play. Thank goodness I did so.

I rarely believe in coincidence. I prefer to believe what King Solomon said, that everything has a purpose. A lot of the lines in the dialogues and songs just hit home as they remind me of what shall become of the City of Baguio, which is one of the key cities in the Philippines. If you've been attending the NPG for these past couple of years, you know what I mean.

I was seated in front on the right side close to the videographer. I'm glad it was dark, and that most people were behind me, as my eyes turned into a faucet. I just couldn't stop shedding tears. From the line of the Japanese grandfather, "Revive! Revive!" to the final act. I'm glad I had a bottle of water to keep me from being dehydrated.

I've only seen Kennon Road when we had a family vacation in Baguio while I was still in college. I was awestruck by its beauty. It was so beautiful that I got lost in words to describe it. It's been years and I don't know how Kennon Road looks today. But based on the musical play, I wouldn't be surprised if words escape me again if I pass by Kennon Road once more, but this time because of disappointment.

The musical play was so poignant in message that I decided to approach the director (too bad I can't remember his name) and thank him for the wonderful play. He told me that the story had been in his dreams around 2005-2006. Sounds familiar? "Old men will dream dreams." Joel chapter 2. No wonder the play didn't just reach my ears and soul but also my spirit.

From what I've watched and learned, I do believe on what the musical play claims Benguet Road to be. Kennon: Road to Global Peace and Unity


Now Playing: One Rock - The Beginning

A dream in a dream

I had this last night while I was taking a nap. I thought it was real because it happened in my room on my current situation. Thinking about it, how creepy. I really hope it wasn't real.

In my dream, a pair of hands were holding my feet and my head as if embracing me. It was creepy and scary because when I tried to check, I think I only saw hands in my dream.

I'm having a little difficulty elaborating the dream and telling how it occurred in details. On another part, I was looking for something then went to a place, where I saw my Football friends. I've been having a lot of Football-related dreams during my naps yesterday. And they were all about the Brazil and Colombia national teams.

As if the dream in a dream is not creepy enough, the content made it more. I even considered in my dream not going back to sleep. However, I had a laundry to finish. I actually had to finish my laundry. I'm hoping that I'll have none of them when I take a short nap before the Netherlands vs. Costa Rica match later.