Unit N

I found a new place to stay near NAIA. Well, I haven't settled in yet but I'm asking my roomie if I could do it tomorrow. I'll just bring the stuff I need for the weekend then take other stuff after. I'm really trying to avoid the traffic and wanna make sure that I don't get another SL. I asked for this shift and I want to make sure I'm doing by best here. And I thank the good Lord for the green light.

Another thing that I am thankful for is my roomie herself. She seems professional and neat. I need someone like that. It's tough finding someone that's easy to deal with when you're a bit of oc-oc.

I remember other people telling me to go for Beacon or the Asian Mansion. Both are nice in terms of proximity to particular places I want to go to but sharing a space with a lot of people is tough.

Anyway, I've prayed for today and I believe I got the answer. And I thank the good Lord for a new start.

Makati resident no more. For now..

Now Playing: Chris Tomlin - We Fall Down

Tu Me Manques

I miss living alone. I miss unit 502 even my tiny room at Bautista Street in Manila. I miss just being me, attending to no one else but myself. I miss going to the grocery and cooking. I miss those slow mornings when I get to make my own breakfast - just chickpea pancakes - and brewed coffee. In the afternoon I would cook rice and just reheat the previous dinner's leftover. Looking back, dinners were my favourite meal. I'd make whatever I wanted to try, mostly Asian dishes.

A lot of times, I would watch some C-drama or recommended films. During those times, I would sometimes have a simple cheese board and a glass of wine. Sometimes two.

I left that life because of filial duty. I left Bautista by the way for a better living condition. 502 wasn't a perfect place. As much as I love the rain, I hate the trouble of looking after my things because of leaks. I even had to "cure" my rattan boxes. I tried a lot of things when I was in Batangas Street. And I'm glad I did those things. Of course I could've done better, but that's water under the bridge.

Despite the things I am missing right now, I dare say I lived in ways I dreamed of when I lived alone - both in Bautista and Batangas Streets. I lived some dreams without depending on other people to fulfill them. And even now I keep on thriving to live my ways, still according to my values of course. There are deviant times of course, but those were my call.

Cielito is such a yinyang. The last days had been troublesome though. Mea culpa. Now I am back to fulfilling filial duties. But I need to set distinct boundaries and end some things. I pray God would be merciful to help me. I really need to breathe. I need a space to be alone, literally. The travel time going to and fro work are still not enough to unload some thoughts lurking in my head.

Living another 502 lifestyle would be great.

But as for now, just living with responsible people will do.

Music: Mika Nakashima - 僕が死のうと思ったのは

Too much Rosenberg?

I realized I didn't make it on time to repost a lot of blog entries before my apparently favourite blogsite - blog.com - went down. I particularly feel bad that I wasn't able to repost entries about The Copper Scroll and Dead Heat, the last two books in the The Last Jihad series by Joel C. Rosenberg. Or maybe I haven't really written anything about these two books. Then I'd have to wait until I read them again, because I already finished reading The Ezekiel Option a second time last July 19, Wednesday.

I've grown fond of Rosenberg's novels as well as a lot of characters in his works. Obviously, I already finished the Jihad series. I've also read The Twelfth Imam and yet to read the next two sequels. 

Then there's the J.B. Collins novels - The Third Target and The First Hostage - which I've just recently started. I'll just take a short break but I will soon buy a copy of Without Warning.

The last scenes from The Third Target were so compelling that I kind of vowed to look for and get a hold of The First Hostage. I literally went to a lot of BookSale branches, mostly in Makati, looking for it but I found one in SM Megamall. Very thankful, because my search had finally come to an end and because I couldn't remember other BookSale branch anymore.

Much to my surprise, I was able to finish reading The First Hostage - all 430 pages - within 24 hours, complete with sleep and all forms of break from reading. It's the first since forever.

Novels are not the only books Mr. Rosenberg write. He's also written non-fictions, two of which I have - Epicenter and Inside the Revolution, which I am yet to finish reading.

Alien feels

Posted on May 8, taken after attending the Sunday service. I haven't eaten dinner so I got hungry and had to grab something that won't disappoint my tummy and wallet. Thus, Subway..

------------------

When you are tan/morena while all the other customers in the sandwich pub you’re eating at and those passing by outside are yellow-skinned, it’s good to see MontAlbo massage spa just across the street with Baybayin on its signage (though not obvious in this pic). I’m assured that I’m still in the Philippines. ☕

I almost wondered if I was going to see Dr. Kang and Cpt. Yoo as well as Ji and Kim (though the thought of seeing Wang and the younger Kim was more exciting). 

#WhenInMakati.

Another chill

So I'm having another blog entry about chills.

It's been more than thirty minutes and counting since my latest episode of having chills began. I had one some minutes after I came to work and another yesterday afternoon, which even got be thinking of having CBR instead of going to work. Yeah, who doesn't want to have complete bed rest?

These chills are among the discomforts I'm feeling at work. It's also one of the reasons I get to sleep longer than my allotted break time. Because "alteration in comfort" obviously affects one's CNS, thus followed by affected productivity. However, whenever I exceed my allotted break time, I note that on my DAR. Why not? It's simply what just happened. I slept during my break and slept longer because I wasn't feeling too well. What's to lie and hide about that?

For someone who is a Type A and very workaholic, I've learned to listen to my body and give it time doing things albeit my mental objections. Normally, I would drive myself like a horse but as you grow old, you get to realize and ask yourself, the L'Oreal way. Is it worth it?

If I were to follow what's ideal, I would be having a lot of missed works, all spent at home for some CBR. But then I would be reminded of our boss, my supervisor, and my unit mates especially my shift mate. Reality hits. So I usually go for, *crew discomfort! I'll go to work and kill myself so I can make and send my deliverables.

Now Playing: Sejeong - Flower Road

Sunday Thoughts part-1

Things are taking awfully slow before they could set in, before I could set in. It's annoying and definitely unnecessary.

I wonder if it has something to do with the mandatory need to be totally alone after being with a number of people these past couple of days. They were not unwelcome but, as usual, I just feel the need for total solitude. Well, a dog's presence is not unwelcome.

Perhaps losing my supposed baon today also affected my mood. It sure did until I got to ride the shuttle where there was a trader of packed pancit-malabon, pancit bihon, palabok, and kutsinta. All but the latter, which costs P5 per piece, only cost P15 ($0.30) per pack. I bought a pack of pancit-malabon and pancit bihon. I also purchased two pieces of kutsinta. Having done so, I thought I had a bargain today. At the same time, it made me miss the old-school Filipino community where there used to be traders roaming the streets. Perhaps there still are some or few but the things of the past had a different feel. Maybe thinking about it now gives the different feel.

I have already tried the pancit-malabon. It lacks enough 'sahog' or toppings, which were no surprise, but it still has few slices of hard boiled egg. I was also given a piece of calamansi or Philippine lemon so it's still almost complete. By the way, my P15 as I thought quantity-wise has been sulit. It filled three quarters of a big bowl. Had I asked for more calamansi I might've been very satisfied. I'm not so satisfied only because I want more.

Hopefully, things will be fine after this.

Now Playing: Coldplay - Birds

Guilty

I hate guilt. But I hate more what I did that led to this guilt. Perhaps it's more of a conviction, or something..

Some of the things I've read just a while ago reminded me big time how much I failed to stop something from happening that I'm hating myself right now.

And because of what happened, I couldn't do what I usually do whenever I meet Mang Jesus and Christian. I saw them earlier on my way to work. And it happened when Christian was awake. Ugh. He's usually asleep whenever I see this father and son. It's good to see him looking good. Please, God, be merciful to them.

I hate this. I hate what I did. I hate what I did not do. But who's to blame? Mea culpa.

Now Playing: K'naan - Wavin' Flag

Appelle

I'm having a lot of feels at the moment. For one, Nas' advancing moves baffle me. I still haven't come to terms in trusting her. For the other, I'm always running into something -a particular name or its meaning- that I've been trying to stay away from.

So this "thing" had me these things:

- A dream early this week about the bearer, half-naked while probably putting stuff into a gym bag but I only saw through my peripheries;

- Opening my eyes from a nap directly staring at a jeepney that bears its meaning (*toot* of sage) last Thursday;

- Found self staring at spa's signage (Eegal *toot*) while the UV Express was waiting for the green light on the way to Friday-shift;

- Reading an article that mentions the name just a couple of minutes ago.

Said I'm staying away from this name not because it brings back bad memories. Actually, it's quite the other thing. However, before the other thing happens it brings confusion. It makes me confused because I usually run into it so I try to stay away from it. It's something that just stands out.

So now I decide to have my shift on another Susie Suh marathon.

Now Playing: Love is on the way

Equal demand, equal supply

It's funny how people can be so demanding without thinking of how very little they are taking part on their end of the deal.

Say in a product. People would want this and that but would pay for only a certain amount.

Say a supplier-user relationship. User demands supplier to deliver this and that and those results but would not pay according to demands' equivalent cost.

What's worse is that these abusive people would sneak to ask for more and make it appear as if already part of the deal. It's not bad to ask for more (without extra charge) if it was not previously required and only make sense to be requested or asked. But, if it's a material that's supposed to come from somewhere or someone else yet required (read: insisted/demanded without consideration) from the supplier without additional payment... all I could say is may God judge you. 

And yes, may karma deal you with the same measure you gave.

Now Playing: The Carpenters - Sometimes

Black Pearl Food Trip

Yesterday was Sunday and that meant another visit to Legazpi Sunday Market. This time I was with Eycee. We had an Indonesian meal plus chicken and pork isaw (intestine). Of course the latter was not mine.

I also bought smores and red velvet cakes as they were offered for P100.00 together. Yeah! I just felt like having some sweets to share with my officemates.

Besides Eycee, Jonel was also able to have a share. We ate the cakes while watching Kababalaghan on ABS-CBN. We only watched it because it was hosted by Noli De Castro and, of course, reminiscent of his Magandang Gabi Bayan - All Souls' Day special back in our childhood years.

Now Playing: Eraserheads - Huwag Mo Nang Itanong

8 March 2016

I'm currently fixing phone files, just photos, and stumbled upon one that brings back memories, both good and bad. At least the former comes first. I guess.

This used to be my second spot back in the marketing office when I was still with Agora. I think I took this photo at almost sunset because I remember appreciating the sun here.

There's a particular event, just a quick scenario, that I remember looking at this photo. I can't remember the date but it was definitely in 2016. I wrote about it and kept it in my "happy jar" though I won't bother digging about it. Basically it was un-permitted but not unwelcome which surprised me at the same time. Surprised because it was like, "So you think you can do that without getting called out?"

It's kind of interesting. But I think it never happened again.

LSS: Leighton Meester - Words I Couldn't Say

More sleep please..

I need to do this. Like right now.

Prior to my shift tonight, I was only able to have around two hours of sleep while having none yesterday. Yes, I haven't slept after leaving work yesterday because I had to meet with someone. I had a couple of nap at work though.

The truth is, naps are not the same as sleep. And sleeping at the right time (and place) is very important.

Because I didn't sleep after my September 27/28 shift, I came in for my 28/29 shift with ineffective faculties. I was not at my best. I wasn't mentally alert and adept. It felt horrible and awful.

Checking myself after my September 28/29 shift, I found myself having a chest pain at around 9AM earlier. It was worth noting given how I've been like lately.

I wish I could sleep for 6-8 straight hours.

Now Playing: Susie Suh - Lucille

September 24, 2016

It's been 13 months since I came back at Business Profiles.

For the record, I still haven't left the office for my September-23 shift when I started this entry. I just had to lay out some info but I couldn't finish right away because the tool was still unavailable. But I was fine because Saturday was my new off duty.

Thinking about the past months, I dare say I outdid myself in my initial plans and I'm glad to have gone beyond what I thought I could only do.

I am grateful to be working at the Business Profiles. It's not a perfect situation and experience, but I am grateful especially whenever I find myself alone - usually before my shift partner arrives or during her off duty - at work. It's a perfect moment to be introverting. Not that I hate being around my officemates. They are interesting people too. An introvert just can't stop being an introvert.

Too bad I kind of forgot this milestone during my shift that I haven't prepared or celebrated it.

Moving ahead, I am hoping for things to improve and be better. There simply are a lot of potential and possibilities.

Now Playing: Susie Suh - Lucille

4-3-3

That's the number of minutes per "phase" I spent when I had my Monday post-sunset jog in Antipolo.

Yes, I was in Antipolo after my Sunday/Monday shift because it's been "too much" at work lately. I just needed my dose of endorphin and exposure to nature.

4-3-3. 

• Four minutes of running
• Three minutes of walking
• Another 3 minutes of running

After that was another 3 minutes spent specifically for walking and cooling down, which was quite extended because I just had to hang out longer. 

As I said, I needed my dose of exposure to nature. And I still need more. I still have to see lots of greens and breathe fresh air.

All in all, it was at least 15 minutes of exercise but it was enough for the day. It was better than having none at all as I would usually have to wait for Friday to have a run.

I really had to run. It's that crucial for me to induce endorphin release and have some fresh air. I had to get away from the city and immerse with nature. There may also be trees and a jogging track in Makati but they're nothing compared to what Antipolo and our hamlet have to offer.

Antipolo brings peace and quiet that Makati or even other place in the metropolis could not give. Besides, there's no place like home. Other place doesn't have our library that I sometimes or recently turned into a "gym" with the heavy books doubled as weights.

My improvised weights after my Monday post-sunset jog

Sleepless Saturday

I reckon lack of sleep has contributed to my drunken-like approach to a few things. For one, I said or asked something I would normally rather keep to myself. As I've already 'blurted' out, I guess I'll just have to let it go.

There were also a lot of thoughts and questions in my head recently that one way I find to test their relevance was to take risk. So I've taken quite a few risks or rather small steps about three particular things. Just two actually. Again, it's my way of letting things go out of my system.

As to why I once again lacked sleep, Murphy's Law caught up on me yesterday.

First, our associate for the morning shift was absent. She said she's not feeling well. I later found out that she was so stressed the previous day. I can only only imagine. Well, that was not unlikely to happen for those who've only graduated from college after a year or two then put in a work environment like our associate's. Well, our work environment.

Second, because our morning associate was absent it followed that I couldn't just leave especially with the one present just having started for a couple of days. I also found out he has a set of particular tasks albeit not specified. No need though. I'm an INTP so I can quite figure out.

Third, the absent associate had a task that needed follow through for which I was asked to work on. Good thing I didn't have to start from scratch. It's when I quoted Elizabeth Keen. "I hate my job." At least Liz had Tom Keen.

Fourth, after the three events mentioned above, I ended up leaving the office at almost noon, which was the supposed meeting time with my GC friends. It's been 7 years since the last time we saw each other in person.

7 years. And we're only meeting again because one of our friend's birthday. I thought I'm not gonna miss that. And I did not. Never mind sleep. I'm glad I risked it. I'll write about it some other time though.

Now Playing: Niklas Aman - Send Receive

Endorphin or Just Introverting?

Recently it feels like I have a strong need and urge to head to Antipolo after my shift and have a jog. Doesn't matter if I could only run for 15 minutes as long as I get some endorphin and fresh air.

Legazpi Active Park is just not enough. It has to be Antipolo, where I could run free and experience nature. Most importantly, it's where I can perfectly go introverting.

Thinking about it, I would still feel the need to return to Antipolo and go jogging albeit having just done so the day prior. Sometimes, which has become often lately, I wish I could just return to Antipolo on a daily basis.

It makes me wonder which is really my state among the following:

1. Getting addicted to endorphin;
2. Too stressed from work;
3. Just being too introvert these past days;
4. All of the above

Now Playing: Marissa Nadler - Leave the Light On

Wide Awake

I haven't slept yet since today's sunrise. Not really that I can't sleep or having those usual insomnia episodes. I'm simply having a hyperactive brain today. It's on non-stop thinking and musings that sleep suddenly became non-existent.

Well, I haven't really tried hitting the sack because I know I'll just go tossing and turning in my bed (cue: JLo's Waiting for Tonight). I tried to sleep while riding the UV Express from Makati to Antipolo but my obsessive brain just wouldn't stop thinking.

So what was I thinking? A lot.

If I would index the subject of my thoughts, each letter of the alphabet would have sub-topics and each sub-topic would lead to at least two options. I just learned to avoid going beyond three options because it would just go infinitely.

Basically, being an INTx explains everything. I can switch to -Perceiving and -Judging. C'est la vie. C'est moi.

The sun is about to set so I have to wrap my random research. That means from being INTP, I have to turn into INTJ now just so I'd feel less guilty. This reminds me that I have to exert more effort to highlight my strengths and work on my weaknesses.

But my brain... my thoughts... Gotta force myself into being INTJ.


Now Playing: Paramore - CrushCrushCrush

Common Sense

I wonder where I could buy common sense. I'd be giving tons away to particular people, new graduates who were any of the following:

• Absent during their classes;
• Cheated on their attendance during on-the-job training days;
• Didn't do anything productive during on-the-job training days;
• Didn't actually go to college (O_o);
• Lacking imagination, resourcefulness, and yeah... common sense;
• Not aware of their actual duties and responsibilities;
• Not human. They don't have heart either for their job or for people.

Shoganai ne...

Riptide of Injustice

If I could kill someone right now, I would not. But the INTJ in me could think of ways to fare better. Yet I am holding my peace.

Well, I am frustrated at the moment. And now I am truly angry that my disappointments have turned into loathing. This injustice has been going on for long. To say it's "already too much" is an understatement.

But as I have said, I am holding my peace.

My anger, when unleashed, strikes like a double-edged sword. The injury I get is the LORD's judgment, which I wish not to suffer. For who can stand before the LORD, our God who is a consuming fire? He who avenges the oppressed?

For now I present this injustice before the God who sees everything, even that which is hidden in dark. I leave vengeance to the LORD of Hosts, to Him who executes judgment to everyone.

My anger wishes to consume like a fire, but satisfaction shall not come. Thus, this course is what's left of me. It's the best and most appropriate one I know at this moment.

May God judge between you and me.

Pasta Creations

Technically, only one of these creations was a pasta. The other one was a soba or buckwheat noodle. But then... oh well.

I made an "Ocean Spring Pasta" last Tuesday morning because I was in the mood to make some 'creations' albeit being tired. It's basically a penne with salmon, broccoli, and corn. I'd say it was pretty good, which still has room for improvement. Also, using those ribbon-like pasta would've been better.

It was my meal for breakfast/brunch or early lunch. I even had some packed for my Tuesday night shift. I think I'd make another one of this, or anything that has salmon and/or broccoli. I love these ingredients.

My mood for creating food hasn't stopped as I made another one on Wednesday late afternoon. I also had the leftover packed for my Wednesday duty.

I call it Soba with salmon and peas topped with sesame seeds. This one really needs improvement, especially on the sauce's proportions. I would love to work on this.

Now I wonder when to get started. Thinking about it, it's been days since the last time I had rice. Actually, I can't remember the last time I had one. Well, I do remember eating rice when we had dinner at kitchen oriental kitchen. I also had rice during Saturday lunch. Before that, I dunno.

Perhaps I'll turn these pasta partners into meals first. I kind of miss having rice, and extra rice.