At Home

I can't remember the last time I spent my birthday at home. If it wasn't for the pandemic, I'd be most likely spending it somewhere else. But I realized it's not bad at all.

After 7 and a half months of being away from home I decided to go back in time for my birthday. I didn't want to observe such day at the dorm amongst not-really-strangers but people who are not personally close to me. I'd rather spend it alone somewhere with beautiful scenes where my mind can be at ease and peace.

Speaking of peace of mind, I had a 4-day streak of exercise. Besides my need for fresh air, it felt like my whole being has been on haywire and having an outdoor exercise would help. I'm only taking a break today because my thighs hurt a little. They're not sore but they don't feel comfortable. I also need to fix my running shoes. I could buy a new one, but the old one could still be of use.

Now Playing: Silent Sanctuary - Pasensya Ka Na

Months after...

Blog.
So it's been two months since my last post. Seems like Blog.com has done some changes that I got a little confused when I logged in.

Haircut.
I went out yesterday for an appointment at a salon. I went to a different one compared to where I've always been going these past more than half a decade. My hair hasn't been cut for 9 months, from my old salon, so it has become really long and the style I wanted this time is very short. Not pixie though but it's below my earlobe.

Quarantine.
While inside the Grab car, I noticed the traffic of both people and vehicles. Seeing them felt a little like how things were before the quarantine. It's good for the economy. I just hope everyone's taking proper precautions.

Metro Manila is still under quarantine. I have no idea when it'll be fully lifted, or at least 75% lifted. I hope it'll be soon, but everyone's safety is of course the priority. We've been under (various) quarantine for almost 6 months now.

For selfish reasons I want it to be lifted soon. I'd like to say "at least some changes in the travel restrictions like permission for obvious non-essential travels," but that would mean headache for us working at the border control, especially my agency. Besides, I wonder if issuance of travel authority would also resume soon.

I want to travel overseas again. This may be against the preference of most, if not everyone, but I want to travel to China. The country may not be included in my planner's "travel destination" wish-list, but it's always on earmark, whispering from time to time at the back of my head. I'd love to fly to Shanghai, stay there for a couple of days and have a few more spent in Hangzhou. I'm thinking of at least 5 days total trip to both. Aah, my wandering feet is itching for some adventure. Perhaps I'll push for 7 days, so that means avoiding SLs.

Now Playing: Ikimonogakari - Sakura

Birth

I must've been excited for the new member of the family that I dreamed of Aimee giving birth to her first baby. And that she was dismissed from the hospital, thus on her way home. Well, that was last night's dream.

Aimee gave birth today though, this morning. Never thought I'd be this excited and happy when Joseph told us the news. I feel like I could relate to Wei WuXian when he was informed that his shijie Jiang YanLi has given birth.

Nothing further in my head except wondering what to buy as a present. I guess I just have to let this out.

Now Playing: Mo Dao Zu Shi donghua OST - 久等了

First Half 2020

Time flies. In just a couple of hours, the first half of 2020 will be coming to an end. Six months came by too fast. And they were not uneventful.

My, oh my. Who would've thought that Taal Volcano would threaten almost the entire Island? Then came a pandemic. Who could've thought this generation would experience a pandemic?

As I work at the international borders, I've been exposed to a lot of people. I've been feeling fine and wasn't particularly worried for myself. But I worried and still do for those around me. So I decided since the beginning of March not to go home yet. I thought I should distance myself. I just happened to be ahead of our government's decision to put the metropolis in community quarantine.

Since then until now, I've been staying at the dorm. A lot of my meals were ordered via Food Panda or Grab Food. Thankfully when the community quarantine in NCR was changed to GCQ, sis Aya got me some home-cooked dishes. Her mum cooked them. And now I feel like turning into a chibi version.

Looking back, to keep my insanity, I decided to stay away from news about CoVID-19. I would check from time to time, but I eventually dropped it. Most of my "research" times were spent watching Chinese dramas. Yes, I got hooked. Then after the last C-Drama I've watched, I got spent most of my time reading manga.

I wonder what lies ahead for the second half of the year. I hope everything gets better.

Now Playing: Coldplay - Magic

Before 2AM

Just want to write about two particular events that happened before 2AM recently. The first was the other day, which I was supposed to write about right away but thought and wondered if it'd happen again. It did not yesterday.

Cold. I was feeling cold when I woke up half past one in the morning the other day. I don't know why that even though I turned off the fan I was still looking for some warmth. I covered myself with my thick blanket that I folded to make it thicker. No use. It reminded me then of Wei WuXian and got me wishing to have a Lan WangJi too. I was really cold that all I could think of as remedy was human warmth. As I have no one to cuddle with, I had to deal with the cold on my own. Luckily I was able to go back to sleep.

Drunk. I got into this state last night because I consumed a bottle of soju and a can of beer. I've been thinking of clearing my stuff in the dorm's fridge so I started with these. I usually just consume a can of beer and whenever I drink soju, I don't usually empty a bottle.

Even with still some liquor in the bottle and can, I could tell that my alcohol tolerance is just a little higher that Lan WangJi. Good for him though he's got Wei Ying to take care of him whenever he's drunk.

Or should I say whenever Wei Ying gets him drunk?

Reminds me though, if I were a character in Mo Dao Zu Shi, and if were given the chance to choose a sect or clan, I'd definitely go for the Gusu Lan Clan. Never mind the 4,000 and counting rules. Also, I'm having the same alcohol tolerance as theirs so I belong. Or maybe it's just Lan Zhan who can't tolerate it. I've been wondering too actually how he goes to sleep before getting drunk.

Remembering what happened to me, I'd probably be the same if I didn't just hold on. I mean, I would've gone to sleep earlier than I did but I was determined to finish the soju and beer. Thankfully, I don't do the same things when Lan Zhan is drunk. Unfortunately, I simply empty my stomach. If Lan Zhan wakes up doing silly things, I woke up to empty my stomach. And got back to sleep again.

I woke up ten minutes before 2AM. But I haven't gotten back to sleep again. And now my head and stomach hurt. I just have to be steady so I don't make it worse for my head. As for my stomach, I hope there's a restaurant that opens early for Food Panda or Grab Food and has some clear soup. I already drank two glasses of honey water but my stomach hasn't calmed yet.

I don't think I could do a work out this morning, much more run. I have to rest and really hope to get a bowl of clear soup.

Now Playing: Maldita - Porque

Surprise SepAnx

I just completed something that would be done in 2 days time. Not that I did so in such period of time, but it has been the core of my thoughts these past days. I even lost sleep so I could start with the original work.

The feeling is exactly what you get when reading a really good book. It's difficult to let go. Even when you know you're only few chapters away from the end, it's hard to decide whether to stall just so you could have more time with it or to rush the remaining episodes and get to the bottom of it. It's that difficult because you know once you accomplish the latter it means the end of it.

I've probably mentioned this in my other blog, that I never intend to get started with it soon, that I even thought of dismissing it. Then I got a glimpse of the particular characters.

The whole thing didn't click right away for my understanding. I was simply in the mood to see things through and also happened to have nothing good yet to start with that I pushed and pushed. Things began to get clear and now I am waiting for the latest chapter to unfold.

Wanting to actually see the real story, the original one, I embarked on another adventure. How I wish I have Barry Allen's reading speed so I could get to the chapter/s that I look forward to. As I am the type of reader who doesn't like skipping parts and does mind the details, not necessarily in a thorough manner, I have to do it page by page.

There's just too much longing in my heart. I'm actually surprised to have been too attached. The story is that good, be it in the Anime, Manga, or live-action. Now I wonder how to deal with my restless heart and with the untamed mind that I have.

Now Playing: The Untamed OST - Wu Ji

Caffeine Surge

Haven't had coffee or anything with caffeine these past 10 days that my first intake gives me an unusual anxiety. At least it's only physical, though it may have been aggravated by my current thoughts and emotions.

I actually have to drink osmanthus tea to calm myself. This new favourite drink somehow soothes me, though I'm not sure if it actually has that effect or if it's just personal. I love sipping a hot osmanthus tea, which I usually brew with butterfly pea and honey. I'm having a plain one this time. This anxiety feels a little urgent. Or maybe I'm just being lazy.

It doesn't help that I haven't read from Mo Dao Zu Shi manhua's the current The Untamed episode that I am watching. And I don't remember this in the donghua. So the live-action was adapted from the novel. Now I'm a little itchy to read it. I hope it's available in WebNovel.

Reminds me though, perhaps the T2 matrix also keeps me tachycardic. I initially thought my duty will start on the 18th. Good thing I check our Viber group and found out I'm off for work tomorrow. No wonder the shuttle service schedule didn't match, with what I thought. I was hoping I could sleep late again tonight. Okay, I didn't sleep late. I actually slept a little past 4 o'clock. Talk about supposed normalizing my body clock. Perhaps I could learn from Lan Wangji.

I wonder what's in store at the borders tomorrow. By the way, my caffeine induced anxiety still lingers.

Now Playing: Do As Infinity - Fukai Mori

Survivor Philippines GCQ Edition Day-3. Day 1 at Work

Came home exhausted and drowsy. I really needed a good nap but failed at that because a lot of thoughts have been swimming inside my head.

For a first day of duty, I haven't performed pretty well. I didn't feel quite at my best shape. But it wasn't totally awful, so far. As always, things are a matter of perspective.

The Five.

Woke up a minute earlier than my scheduled alarm. It's interesting how the body understands situations. When I checked our Terminal chat group, I found out that I'm among those posted at NAIA 2 today. Also found out that we have a flight with ETA at 4AM. Talk about rushing to Arrival Formalities.

Not complaining but it seems like a long time since I had to be at the counter at the first minute of shift. It feels a little weird. The flight arrived as scheduled but the passengers didn't disembark right away. Of course.

Kindness.

This virtue has been ringing in my head throughout today's shift and I felt that it's something I had to extend to every passenger that would pass through me. I believe everyone needs some kindness, especially from strangers. Good deeds like this really warm the heart. I myself feel surprised and of course grateful whenever I am on the receiving end.

Speaking of gratitude, I've been reminded today of a particular college professor, whose end story I recently shared with my dorm-mates, who had been really kind and considerate to me. I remembered him again today because I happened to receive some kindness and consideration, like how he treated me back in college. Thinking about it, am I always that pain in the bum?

Remembering this heart-warming experience makes me feel at ease despite the two particular bad decisions I've done. Of course I have to prepare myself should I suffer the consequence in the future. But then, it's true how failures teach us more than success does. My favourite golden nugget would definitely be knowing someone's character. I think seeing someone's sincere heart is always a steal.

Deliveries.

Three deliveries arrived today. The first two were parcels from my online orders while the last one was the potable water that I expected yesterday.

I've been making a lot of online purchases during these past months. Some were necessary, some were not. I hope these stuff that arrived today belong to the former category.

Now Playing: Yoshiki - Red Swan

Scourging Heat

I'm supposed to leave today to claim my Quarantine Pass at the Barangay Hall. But I got held up this morning, because I was watching Pretty Li Huizhen. I still haven't left though I'm on the last episode now. All the more, I thought, I couldn't leave because just now I went to the dining area to get some almond milk. Man, I never thought I'd get surprised by the heat any more. I never thought it could get any more scourging. With this heat, I could and would not leave any more. And I thought there's a tropical depression.

Now Playing: Jackson Wang - Papillon

Post AHEB Writer's Block

Just dropping by to say that I'm supposed to write a couple of entries these past 2 days but failed to do so because I could hardly muster the fortitude and emotional strength after watching Ang Huling El Bimbo. The Full House Theater Company and Resorts World Manila through ABS-CBN had this streaming on YouTube for 48 hours, May 8-9.

Really grateful that they did so as I wasn't able to watch AHEB live because of work sched. I was still staying in Rizal during those days. Staying late and travel back home with early shift the following day wasn't just ideal.

Here's to hoping that I could write again, about anything. Doesn't have to do with AHEB, though I hope I could write about this hit musical too. But not now.

Now Playing: Eraserheads - Sa Wakas

Alleged Missed Insurance Due

Received a call from a bank-insurance a couple of days ago. When I asked how long my due was supposed to be, as I was told how much I missed, I realized it's the one that I cancelled in favour of another. Because, according to the caller/bank representative, it's been since 2018. HELLO! Who in their right mind would remind a client for missing out due after almost 2 years? If I actually missed out, the reminder should've been done not more than 6 months. Good heavens.

I have to let this out to make sure nothing about this lingers. I asked to be emailed with the details about this insurance but I haven't checked my email yet because I am disappointed. Makes me reckon cancelling my existing insurance with this provider.

Now Playing: Suzy - Ring My Bell

E-Mail Clearing

So I cleared 14 years worth of email from one of my first email accounts. If I remember correctly this one's my third e-mail account. I'm actually glad I got to recover this account recently. I've neglected it for years, intermittently. Seeing some familiar subscriptions bring back memories of youth, the years when my online visits were motivated by Anime and more Anime. Mostly Anime.

I would like to do the same to my other e-mail accounts, the new ones. It's going to be a challenge. I've been trying to simultaneously do it with one but there were letters that I have to check, either read or see if they're worth keeping even without reading them yet. And truth be told, there's one sender that pisses me off. I'm actually having second thoughts if I should keep their service, should I stay as their client. Like man, we're having a pandemic and we're under quarantine yet I'm asked for this and that. As if all its branches are open. Had it been the case I would've already settled my accounts as soon as I got to make a transaction with this particular branch. Unfortunately I couldn't transact with the other branches.

Now Playing: Cocco - けもの道

Meh

This day feels like meh because I was supposed to carry out 4 tasks but unable to do so as I had to make sure I'm at home (er.. dorm) to receive a particular delivery. I was paying COD. I also haven't watched any drama or movie since the sun came out.

Those tasks will have to wait until tomorrow. I need to pay some bills. I also need to make a particular bank transaction. I hope that bank branch opens soon. I hope all of this CoVID-19 stuff ends soon.

I doubt things will be the way they were, not entirely but it's never going to be the same again.

Now Playing: 2PM - My House

Dislike

Been seeing plenty of posts from a particular friend that kind of make me want to say, "Friend, stop! Just STOP!" The thing is, I find my friend's posts unbecoming for someone like us. It's better described in our vernacular tongue but I'd rather not say it. I'm not in denial. Neither am afraid to face my friend should this post reach ta. I just think it's still inappropriate. I'm still a friend. 

For now I am trying to understand from my friend's end and point of view. I'm getting more understanding in theory but I don't take it to heart. We have different values and background and destination to take. My friend is also too young to understand some things. I'll just leave my friend as it is.

Now Playing: Susie Suh - Good Times

Of Schedules and Days Without CoVID

Our new sched has already been posted and I'm glad that mine doesn't have a break. I mean, it's going to be 3 straight days of duty then 2 days off-duty before another fortnight of what we like most. Still, I miss the pre-ECQ days when one could freely go from one place to another, without curfew, and  the almost 24-hour delivery availability.

There are also transactions that I need to settle and work on. Can't wait to get them done. Some plans have been postponed, if not cancelled. Also looking forward to when I can plan my travels again. There's even a particular place where I've never been to but I am already thinking of coming back to.

Now Playing: Duan Ao Juan - The Most Amazing of You

3 Days Off Duty

Never thought it'd actually happen, having 3 days straight off duty. Unfortunately, the approval for this scheme came about because of SARS-CoV-2. Yes, it's the nCoV-2019/CoVID-2019. Somehow I prefer to use the technical term of this pandemic.

So my first set of 3-day off duty is about to end. I'll be going back to work, which I'm kind of excited and not at the same time. I've already prepared my uniform yesterday, when I've done a lot of mundane but essential chores and without watching Legend of Fuyao. I only have to prepare my bag now.

I'm supposed to be sleeping now but I've just taken a shower and my hair is still wet. Taking the drying time for some face mask (it's been a while!) and night time tea. I've been getting longer sleep than the usual so I hope I wake up when my alarm sets off because transportation is still suspended, thus I'm taking the coaster provided by the agency.

Looking forward to tomorrow, especially when I have to go back home. I'll think about tomorrow's lunch and dinner at work. For now, I'll have to take off this face mask.

Now Playing: One OK Rock - The Beginning

Lost Words

Words were flowing out of my head these past days but I woke up this morning without any memory of it. Still I thought they deserve a space in this blog, acknowledging their importance, if not urgency, for I am aware of the sentiments they brought me back when I had a full knowledge of them.

Now Playing: Karen Mok - Fuyao

I'm not Google

I don't have the answers. I don't have the solutions. It's unfair, terribly unfair.

Now Playing: Arashi - Monster

Letting Go

February 16th.

It was the wedding day of Joseph and Aimee. Attending the ceremony, watching them exchange vows, and realizing that the youngest in our family is really having a family of her own, throughout those thoughts lingered another. It was so strong I couldn't imagine a different pair for a different picture. I knew if asked, I would affirm to it. I could hear Celine Dion's "If You Asked Me To" because that was the song that fit the most.

February 18th.

I thought I would be holding on to the sentiments of two days prior, but something was brewing. Something was catching my attention. Then I saw and read the message. I hesitated to believe, giving it a second thought. Nothing came after, and thereafter. Even until now.

So I let go before the previous month came to an end. I was ready to accept it for I am not one who forces others unto me. I will always be someone willing to let go. And I thought it was a good thing. I was and am free to go beyond. I have become open to possibilities.

I dare say it had been 2 years and 4 months of layover, a very long transit before embarking to a new flight of life. No regrets, only thanks. Everything happens for a reason.

Now Playing: Arashi - I'll Be There

Soft Rock

"As my awareness increases, my control over my own being increases."

William Schutz

Nowhere near nirvana I know but somehow I caught myself this morning trying to be intentionally kind-er and more gentle to people, though I doubt I succeeded on the latter. Wasn't just able to look at myself from time to time while at the counter but there's that feeling when you know your facial muscles are taut and nowhere close to smiling.

I wanted to make sure that I extended patience on things that usually get on my nerves, especially as I was assigned in an OFW lane today. Not so sure how I got into such mood but perhaps an accumulation of what happened this past week or so plus a day when I unloaded some burdens, perhaps the first time I shed for my own self, as well as some realizations while watching the Korean drama The Last Empress. The last one got me thinking that a lot of people look at those who know less, can do less, and own less as "lesser" people.

The lack of understanding, empathy or even sympathy, and awareness on the situation of other people usually make those living in comfort to be indifferent. For a number of times I know I've been guilty of this. I usually get upset when people violate, intentionally or not, rules even simple ones. I have forgotten that many factors play out leading to such behaviour of them.

Without pointing fingers or finding others at fault, I am actually an example of such ignorance. When people fail to follow rules, again, whether intentional or not, or prefer to put their interest before others, I get upset. Before, I knew that a lot of people are like that. But, when I got to work this morning, I felt so bad for the people that usually trigger me. I am still not happy with what they do but I was more burdened how they got into such moment.

This is getting longer and I know I won't be able to explain myself better, and I am not too keen to edit this post as I prefer some entries to be as candid as they could be. I just remembered some moments with passengers when I wish I could stop them from leaving out of fear on what would become of them as our then encounters, in my opinion, would upset any employer and could lead to them being abused.

Indeed, I have either deviated from the subject that has a poor title, or failed to properly communicate my thoughts. Bottom line was, I wanted to be kind today. My face and demeanour may have failed my intention but I am hoping it's a good start. Because you can never go wrong with being kind.

Now Playing: Matt Hartke, Maggie Peake - Gold