Soft Rock

"As my awareness increases, my control over my own being increases."

William Schutz

Nowhere near nirvana I know but somehow I caught myself this morning trying to be intentionally kind-er and more gentle to people, though I doubt I succeeded on the latter. Wasn't just able to look at myself from time to time while at the counter but there's that feeling when you know your facial muscles are taut and nowhere close to smiling.

I wanted to make sure that I extended patience on things that usually get on my nerves, especially as I was assigned in an OFW lane today. Not so sure how I got into such mood but perhaps an accumulation of what happened this past week or so plus a day when I unloaded some burdens, perhaps the first time I shed for my own self, as well as some realizations while watching the Korean drama The Last Empress. The last one got me thinking that a lot of people look at those who know less, can do less, and own less as "lesser" people.

The lack of understanding, empathy or even sympathy, and awareness on the situation of other people usually make those living in comfort to be indifferent. For a number of times I know I've been guilty of this. I usually get upset when people violate, intentionally or not, rules even simple ones. I have forgotten that many factors play out leading to such behaviour of them.

Without pointing fingers or finding others at fault, I am actually an example of such ignorance. When people fail to follow rules, again, whether intentional or not, or prefer to put their interest before others, I get upset. Before, I knew that a lot of people are like that. But, when I got to work this morning, I felt so bad for the people that usually trigger me. I am still not happy with what they do but I was more burdened how they got into such moment.

This is getting longer and I know I won't be able to explain myself better, and I am not too keen to edit this post as I prefer some entries to be as candid as they could be. I just remembered some moments with passengers when I wish I could stop them from leaving out of fear on what would become of them as our then encounters, in my opinion, would upset any employer and could lead to them being abused.

Indeed, I have either deviated from the subject that has a poor title, or failed to properly communicate my thoughts. Bottom line was, I wanted to be kind today. My face and demeanour may have failed my intention but I am hoping it's a good start. Because you can never go wrong with being kind.

Now Playing: Matt Hartke, Maggie Peake - Gold