Storing Memory

I'll have to improve my memory, the ability to store long term memories that is. And I have to remind myself to be patient and forgiving.

The choleric in me makes it harder than it already is. I know things take time but I can't help getting upset if I sense that my brain is not storing an information into long term. What's making things worse is the fact that I'm also entertaining other thoughts when I should be narrowing things down and just focus.

I am trying to learn a few words in Spanish at the moment but I can't seem to register the words. It's so annoying that I could hardly focus.

Outdone.

Somebody outdid me. 

I've been planning on something but I never thought my plans would be carried out by someone else first. I wasn't really surprised, for I saw the signs. I knew those signs. But I kind of dismissed them and 'focused' on the person's character. It's like I've profiled this person based on history and just put the current signs aside.

As mentioned, I wasn't surprised but it didn't come without an impact. Right now I am trying to figure out how to deal with this. For an INTP with INTJ tendencies, I lack the necessary faculty required to better deal with what's going on. Safe to say, I'm confused and sort of left out.

Despite lacking fully developed emotional faculties, at least when I'm involved in the situation, this thing is bothering me. I just can't stop thinking about it, more of because I want to figure out what I really feel and of course, why. 

Someone gave me an advice before which would be really helpful at the moment. It was said to me twice, as far as I remember. I was told before, "Don't worry too much about it." That advice sticks to me because I am melancholic and have a Type A personality.

By the way, this person who outdid me did not tell me of the plan. I figured it out. I tend to have ways of figuring and/or finding out things even without being informed. Someone later confirmed it though, but I was actually the one who reiterated it. Sort of. So it sounded or appeared like I knew it long before. But truth is, I've thought of it. That things will come to this eventually.

I tried to look for something, anything. I got nothing but that which appeared general and vague. But I think it'd be nice if that which appeared general and vague was actually meant for me. I'd take it. But I wouldn't really know.

Perhaps.

Now Playing: Susie Suh - Light on My Shoulder

Blood Pressure

I was browsing my Tumblr posts, where recently most were from my IG account. Most were about food. Then I saw this photo of a banana. I don't like bananas. I only eat them for their health benefits.

So remembering why I intentionally had a banana during one of my previous shifts, I realized how my cardiovascular system has been greatly affected.

I'm not sure which of the following factors should be the primary culprit, but stress I dare say is always present affecting them:

• new shift schedule (Is this still considered 'new' by the way?)
• lack of sleep/alteration in sleep patters
• work loads (but this has already become tolerable)
• people
• my type-A personality
• my choleric tendencies
• me being an INTJ

The banana shot was posted on August 3, the day after I had "palpable" increased blood pressure. I can't remember what triggered it but I do remember holding on to my nape because it was hurting. My head was also hurting before and simultaneously while I was having increased blood pressure. 

So I checked and reviewed by Twitter feeds and found this:

11:15 AM. It was posted that 'late' because I got home late. Now I remember better. On that day, the 'palpable' increased blood pressure began around 8AM and stayed until 11:15AM, even a little past that.

My shift is from 9PM-6AM, except on Friday's when I take on my shift partner's schedule which is from 11PM-8AM so there would be someone to bridge night shift to morning shift. Back in August 2, I stayed past 8AM until 10AM (or so) because first, my shift partner was absent and second, I was finishing a monthly report. Unfortunately, I had nothing for this monthly report but only a week's worth of information. Imagine the pressure. But of course I went BDO (read: find ways) so I was able to pull out the needed information. It's supposed to be just a collation of weekly reports. Ja.

Perhaps I should regularly include bananas in my diet. I'm going to need lots of potassium and the other cardio-friendly minerals like magnesium.

I'm also glad I've become fond of eating whole wheat multi-grain bread lately. I've been doing so a la Español. Plus sunny-side ups, which I've also become quite fond of lately unlike before when I'd prefer hard/soft boiled or scrambled. But as usual, I add McCormick Italian herbs.

ADL reconsidered

This post from Egypt Independent got me reckoning, yet again: Max amount of time you can sit before harming your heart: study

According to the article, "Although the number may sound high, the team believe it is probably easily achieved by most people. Office workers, for example, may sit down at work for seven to eight hours a day, sitting down for an hour at lunch, and then are very possibly sitting down again while commuting to and from work. And when many people arrive home they then sit again, to eat dinner or partake in activities such as browsing the internet or watching TV.

The team also found that those in the highest sedentary time category of 12.5 hours on average a day were 14 percent more likely to experience heart problems than those who sat for just 2.5 hours on average each day."

As an INTP/INTJ, I could go hours past my regular shift. I just did such recently, even going 16 hours straight in the office.

Despite having such personality, being a Type-A choleric-melancholic, I've gone to learn that I should think of my health too especially in the long run. And I must admit having discomforts that could be quite alarming if these become frequent.

I can't keep going and going so I've learned to force myself take a break every now and then. Yet this article I've just read is sort of a wake up call. Daily tolls bring harm to my body especially that I'm not getting any younger.

So what to do now? Patience. Things will be sorted out soon, having this and that placed here and there. Time management is too a key. Perhaps, I should really pursue my plans to visit some places in CALABARZON albeit shortly.

Note to self: Go back to Tagaytay ASAP.

A little break for the brain

Philippians 4:13. I am holding on to what Paul claimed. "I can do all  things through Christ who strengthens me."

I feel like collapsing right now. Tonight's shift is just too much. Said I feel like collapsing because I need a moment to be alone, to walk things through. Unfortunately, I am time-bounded. I have schedules to meet. Technically, most of the things I am working on now need to be submitted not later than 7AM. But I also have other deliverables that must be submitted not later than 9AM, because I can't function well past that.

And yet I have a "consultation" with someone at lunch. I can ask for another day, but the thing I am consulting with this person needs to be addressed ASAP. And I am an impatient person. Okay, very impatient. And I won't be seeing this person over the weekend. Good thing it's my off on Thursday. I'll just have to push myself a little more. I don't have work naman after eh.

Speaking of push, I push myself hard. And I am quite hard on myself. At least on my perspective but with other people's, I think they'd say I am very hard on myself. I am a melancholic-choleric person, also an INTP or INTJ. Explains everything.

So yeah, that's why I am stressed. Oh, I am alone right now so I am handling all the night shift's tasks plus two of my submissions for this shift: LV weekly report and liquidation of expenses for 3-4 travels. Gackt.

But why am I writing here? As I've said, I feel like collapsing. It's not just an 'emotional' feeling. It's a physical feeling. I'm unloading thoughts here to lighten the "burden" in my head, which has been physically feeling weird since dinner. 

Writing here is just a little diversion. I may be very hard on myself, but I also take breaks. I've learned to do so.

If ever I would collapse, it has to wait. Past lunch will do.

Right now, let me just sing this... ♫ You are my strength when I am weak ♫

Migraine risks

Nx Dx: Alteration in sleep pattern r/t changes in ADL secondary to reassigned work schedule

Now that got me wondering. Will Ms. Walde (my college professor) accept such diagnosis? Losh!

Well it's true, I am having changes in my sleep pattern, not to mentioning difficulties actually sleeping. As a result, migraine paid me a visit. It was last Friday when I was alone during the graveyard shift. Good heavens. My head felt like it could split into pieces. Migraine headaches are just wicked.

Pain scale? 12/10. And I am one who's supposed to have a high pain tolerance. Well, I usually back off when it's stomachache and/or migraine. They're witches!

Worried  that I'd have another migraine episode during the coming days, I decided to ditch work on my Saturday/Sunday shift. Weekends are usually a breather so I thought I could 'leave' my shift partner, lest I get to be absent during a weekday. Heavens forbid! Besides, my lack of sleep is getting worse that I'd be at risk of going by my id, kind of acting on "basic instincts," which is unhealthy both to myself and to anyone I might show this to. I'm a choleric-melancholic and an INTP with 1-3% chances of going INTJ.

I kind of recovered now but I still need to sleep.

Now Playing: Susie Suh - Shell

Lucille...

It seems like I have to review the coping as well as defense mechanisms known to mankind. I also have to choose those that suit me. *sigh*

If only healthy and productive, I would opt to just sleep and sleep. A lot of things are getting too much for me albeit my compartmentalization methods. But I do need sleep. Lots of it.

Truth be told, I would rather deal with babies and toddlers and pre-schoolers as well as senior citizens than emotions. For a choleric and an INTP/INTJ, such is too much. My hypothalamus could explode of over stimulus. Dealing with mine is easy, for there is very little existing to begin with, but facing others' is... This makes me admire those who can handle a myriad of emotions.

I have to sing. Lucille, you know how I feel... ♫♫

Triggered by Coffee

I am taking a short break by writing a blog entry because I am currently having minute palpitations. It's the coffee. I just finished sipping Blend 45 Barako coffee but it's not really the main cause. The coffee's more like a trigger.

When you're obsessive and compulsive, impatient and quite perfectionist... this is nothing unusual. But it still is something bothersome.

Part of the song I am listening right now says, "I hear be still..." Yeah. I have to be still, for this thing I am feeling and having right now is only the beginning. It's an INTP and INTJ thing. Oh, I recently found out that I can be INTP and sometimes INTJ. It's like my temperament. I'm primarily melancholic-choleric but could go choleric-melancholic at times. I could even go melancholic-phlegmatic. I've been mainly choleric lately and for a time now.

Now Playing: Rebecca St. James - Desperate for You