Back in the Abyss

I'm still nursing myself from this abyss and it's getting more challenging as the days go by. The whole system is also out of whack. Sleep, since time immemorial, imposes a continuous challenge. And I need it the most nowadays for proper recuperation. It's stressing me out.

I haven't been watching dramas lately, though I really want to watch Yumi's Cells 2 but it's not available in legal platforms in my country. Annoying. Sometimes I watch Overlord, a Chinese costume drama. Recently I found out that Dilireba has a new drama - The Blue Whisper - but I'm only past the pilot episode. Dilreba Dilmurat is one of my favourite actors and I am particularly inclined to watch her fantasy/costume dramas so being unable to continue her recent one right away just says a lot about my current state.

With how things are going since a month or two ago, I'm kind of anxious when the night is approaching. Most of the time, I find myself lacking sleep, missing meals on time, and having unusual symptoms - back pain, headache, stomach pain, and dizziness - with the last two being the most prominent. And these past couple of days, I think I'm experiencing joint pains at night. Talk about ageing. Or maybe it was because of those stir-fry tofu.

I really hope I could recover fast and get back on my feet. It's troublesome and has affected my work. I've been calling in sick a lot. Wouldn't be surprised if my cortisol level is causing haywire in my system. Thankfully, I believe, I'm already past the desire to "cross the bridge" though I'm kind of an empty shell whenever I'm in the abyss. Well, I could only hope for the best.

Music: Lovi Poe - Under

One Year into Pandemic

It's been a year and almost a month since the Philippine Government placed the country under quarantine. Some people call it "lockdown" but such surely does not apply. As of writing, the number of active cases in the Philippines is alarming given the new variants coming out especially as these new ones are said to be highly contagious. I really feel bad for our healthcare workers. If only some people bothered to look into the first frontliners' condition and assess (more like evaluate for this time) their condition's effect for those inside our borders.

Out of topic, but I think I see someone on top of a residential building a couple of blocks from here exercising. Good for him/her, could barely see. I really need a new specs.

Other people, I've heard/read, were having difficulty adjusting to this limited movements. As for someone who tends to avoid human interaction, yes I know my job requires me to do just that, I was definitely at ease. And having an IATF pass made it more convenient. Well, that was only until June of last year when came July and movements of people were eased significantly. But when it happened, I was really surprised how people acted as if they were locked away in a prison. I've also read post encouraging people not to feel bad if they were having mental issues. I may have not read a journal publication about it but I remember seeing article titles about it.

When we're suddenly denied of our usual activities, I guess it'll really come to a point when you'll be mentally bothered. Looking at it objectively, I can sense that there's something bothersome in my system. And it also reminds me of how Lim Jaebeom recalls his experience before getting clinically diagnosed. I also have a colleague who said that she even reckoned getting a therapy. Though she did not, I think she got something that gives the same result. Glad she found that.

It's been five months since my last post and it probably because I couldn't properly collect my thoughts. I still couldn't, properly, but I think I really need to let this out. I hope this continues. Hoping to write about the things I've done during the pandemic, which probably be mostly about cooking. That's an easy topic, that's why.

Now Playing: IU ft. Suga - eight

At Home

I can't remember the last time I spent my birthday at home. If it wasn't for the pandemic, I'd be most likely spending it somewhere else. But I realized it's not bad at all.

After 7 and a half months of being away from home I decided to go back in time for my birthday. I didn't want to observe such day at the dorm amongst not-really-strangers but people who are not personally close to me. I'd rather spend it alone somewhere with beautiful scenes where my mind can be at ease and peace.

Speaking of peace of mind, I had a 4-day streak of exercise. Besides my need for fresh air, it felt like my whole being has been on haywire and having an outdoor exercise would help. I'm only taking a break today because my thighs hurt a little. They're not sore but they don't feel comfortable. I also need to fix my running shoes. I could buy a new one, but the old one could still be of use.

Now Playing: Silent Sanctuary - Pasensya Ka Na

First Half 2020

Time flies. In just a couple of hours, the first half of 2020 will be coming to an end. Six months came by too fast. And they were not uneventful.

My, oh my. Who would've thought that Taal Volcano would threaten almost the entire Island? Then came a pandemic. Who could've thought this generation would experience a pandemic?

As I work at the international borders, I've been exposed to a lot of people. I've been feeling fine and wasn't particularly worried for myself. But I worried and still do for those around me. So I decided since the beginning of March not to go home yet. I thought I should distance myself. I just happened to be ahead of our government's decision to put the metropolis in community quarantine.

Since then until now, I've been staying at the dorm. A lot of my meals were ordered via Food Panda or Grab Food. Thankfully when the community quarantine in NCR was changed to GCQ, sis Aya got me some home-cooked dishes. Her mum cooked them. And now I feel like turning into a chibi version.

Looking back, to keep my insanity, I decided to stay away from news about CoVID-19. I would check from time to time, but I eventually dropped it. Most of my "research" times were spent watching Chinese dramas. Yes, I got hooked. Then after the last C-Drama I've watched, I got spent most of my time reading manga.

I wonder what lies ahead for the second half of the year. I hope everything gets better.

Now Playing: Coldplay - Magic

Before 2AM

Just want to write about two particular events that happened before 2AM recently. The first was the other day, which I was supposed to write about right away but thought and wondered if it'd happen again. It did not yesterday.

Cold. I was feeling cold when I woke up half past one in the morning the other day. I don't know why that even though I turned off the fan I was still looking for some warmth. I covered myself with my thick blanket that I folded to make it thicker. No use. It reminded me then of Wei WuXian and got me wishing to have a Lan WangJi too. I was really cold that all I could think of as remedy was human warmth. As I have no one to cuddle with, I had to deal with the cold on my own. Luckily I was able to go back to sleep.

Drunk. I got into this state last night because I consumed a bottle of soju and a can of beer. I've been thinking of clearing my stuff in the dorm's fridge so I started with these. I usually just consume a can of beer and whenever I drink soju, I don't usually empty a bottle.

Even with still some liquor in the bottle and can, I could tell that my alcohol tolerance is just a little higher that Lan WangJi. Good for him though he's got Wei Ying to take care of him whenever he's drunk.

Or should I say whenever Wei Ying gets him drunk?

Reminds me though, if I were a character in Mo Dao Zu Shi, and if were given the chance to choose a sect or clan, I'd definitely go for the Gusu Lan Clan. Never mind the 4,000 and counting rules. Also, I'm having the same alcohol tolerance as theirs so I belong. Or maybe it's just Lan Zhan who can't tolerate it. I've been wondering too actually how he goes to sleep before getting drunk.

Remembering what happened to me, I'd probably be the same if I didn't just hold on. I mean, I would've gone to sleep earlier than I did but I was determined to finish the soju and beer. Thankfully, I don't do the same things when Lan Zhan is drunk. Unfortunately, I simply empty my stomach. If Lan Zhan wakes up doing silly things, I woke up to empty my stomach. And got back to sleep again.

I woke up ten minutes before 2AM. But I haven't gotten back to sleep again. And now my head and stomach hurt. I just have to be steady so I don't make it worse for my head. As for my stomach, I hope there's a restaurant that opens early for Food Panda or Grab Food and has some clear soup. I already drank two glasses of honey water but my stomach hasn't calmed yet.

I don't think I could do a work out this morning, much more run. I have to rest and really hope to get a bowl of clear soup.

Now Playing: Maldita - Porque

Caffeine Surge

Haven't had coffee or anything with caffeine these past 10 days that my first intake gives me an unusual anxiety. At least it's only physical, though it may have been aggravated by my current thoughts and emotions.

I actually have to drink osmanthus tea to calm myself. This new favourite drink somehow soothes me, though I'm not sure if it actually has that effect or if it's just personal. I love sipping a hot osmanthus tea, which I usually brew with butterfly pea and honey. I'm having a plain one this time. This anxiety feels a little urgent. Or maybe I'm just being lazy.

It doesn't help that I haven't read from Mo Dao Zu Shi manhua's the current The Untamed episode that I am watching. And I don't remember this in the donghua. So the live-action was adapted from the novel. Now I'm a little itchy to read it. I hope it's available in WebNovel.

Reminds me though, perhaps the T2 matrix also keeps me tachycardic. I initially thought my duty will start on the 18th. Good thing I check our Viber group and found out I'm off for work tomorrow. No wonder the shuttle service schedule didn't match, with what I thought. I was hoping I could sleep late again tonight. Okay, I didn't sleep late. I actually slept a little past 4 o'clock. Talk about supposed normalizing my body clock. Perhaps I could learn from Lan Wangji.

I wonder what's in store at the borders tomorrow. By the way, my caffeine induced anxiety still lingers.

Now Playing: Do As Infinity - Fukai Mori

3 Days Off Duty

Never thought it'd actually happen, having 3 days straight off duty. Unfortunately, the approval for this scheme came about because of SARS-CoV-2. Yes, it's the nCoV-2019/CoVID-2019. Somehow I prefer to use the technical term of this pandemic.

So my first set of 3-day off duty is about to end. I'll be going back to work, which I'm kind of excited and not at the same time. I've already prepared my uniform yesterday, when I've done a lot of mundane but essential chores and without watching Legend of Fuyao. I only have to prepare my bag now.

I'm supposed to be sleeping now but I've just taken a shower and my hair is still wet. Taking the drying time for some face mask (it's been a while!) and night time tea. I've been getting longer sleep than the usual so I hope I wake up when my alarm sets off because transportation is still suspended, thus I'm taking the coaster provided by the agency.

Looking forward to tomorrow, especially when I have to go back home. I'll think about tomorrow's lunch and dinner at work. For now, I'll have to take off this face mask.

Now Playing: One OK Rock - The Beginning

Sight Interrupted

The plan to write a longer blog entry got interrupted, that I even forgot what I was supposed to write about, because I encountered the sun today. It's so bright I can sense migraine from afar.

I have to leave.

Now Playing: Dean Martin - Ain't that a Kick in the Head

Running Early

I came home early today, thanks to UBE Express, and was aiming to have a run but I got distracted and quite feverish. Tomorrow's off duty so I am hoping I'd feel better and could continue the run.

Speaking of UBE Express, I think I'd be taking this ride regularly except during those days when I have to drop by Ayala. Today was the second time I rode one but the first time I got off Robinsons Galleria. The first time was in Araneta-Cubao. I'm so loving P2P transport system. If all goes well, I might just be having a overhaul of plans.

Now Playing: Shania Twain - From This Moment

Dizzy Spells

I was just mentally drafting what I am to write here, which actually involved frequent mentioning of the word crazy, when I found out that my previous blog entry had "Crazy, crazy, crazy" for a title. Spell crazy.

So... these spells have become a frequent thing and it's crazy (Yeah!) because one moment I'm quite gay (by 'gay' I mean jolly) but a moment later I have to lay down because I'm having either dizziness or lightheadedness. I no longer know which is which.

This didn't just happen last week though it's when I sort of realized how crazy it's like. It's like being physically bipolar. Didn't I just mention that it is crazy?

I wonder what triggers these dizzy and lightheaded spells. It's more of the latter. And I hate it when they appear while I'm on duty, which is the usual case. Thankfully, I am allowed to sit and we have our OJTs. They are such a great help whenever I have these spells.

Still unsure how to deal with this but for the mean time I hope I don't get any this week onwards.

Now Playing: Cold Cherry -  Growing Pains

Crazy, crazy, crazy

Writing this entry, I am not sure if I have previously posted for this year. If this is the first one, then wow.

The thing is this day has been pretty crazy. But what's crazier is that I am driving myself crazy. For one, I've lost track of time that I haven't eaten dinner for 2 hours since my normal dinner time. As if that was not enough, I even had to deliberate should I eat or not. I ended up buying dinner but only because I had something else to buy.

For another, I'm supposed to be sleeping by now. Obviously, I am not. Am not sure if I can't or if I just don't want to yet. At the same time, I am having palpitations. It's been more than an hour now. Currently trying to figure out how to make it to work tomorrow, no matter what.

Now Playing: Do as Infinity - 黄昏

Friday Random

There are a lot of things and thoughts to write about. Unfortunately, timing isn't something that is always on my side. Whenever I feel compelled to write, I'm either at work or on the road travelling. I usually try to prep the words hoping to be ready once I am in front of the PC. Too bad that isn't always the case. Whenever I am ready or rather available to write, nothing sensible comes to mind. But mostly, there's just a lot that I didn't know where or how to start. I usually end up writing random things. Like this.

The month of July is about to end. Thankfully. It was not so friendly to me. I had a lot of downs and bumps. I got sick a number of times, which mostly resulted to me staying at home. As much as I love staying at home, doing so because of sickness is not something I desire. Those days make me think about a lot of things, among others. The month also set the beginning of days when I wouldn't be able to see something I used to look forward to. But what can I do. Truth be told, I kind of like it and not like it.

For my form of entertainment, in the first half of year it was mostly watching Japanese and/or Korean dramas. This month, I went back to my first favourite past time - reading. I've actually read five (5) books, five times more than I have read from January to June. Apparently, all books were from the same author. I've re-read three of Joel C. Rosenberg's novels and started on two others from another series.

Now Playing: Katharine McPhee - Over It

Slept Like a Baby

So I happened to sleep for 9 straight hours. Wow! 😱 That's a very rare feat because I usually sleep around its square root on a regular basis, even less specially when I have to work the following day.

I sleep a little before 6 o'clock yesterday then woke up less than a quarter before four o'clock this morning. Now I can actually quote McCoy. 

I only woke up because my bladder was getting full. I got hints from my dream plus 9 hours of uninterrupted sleep would definitely and thankfully get my kidneys sufficient time to do their filtering works. Thank You, LORD.

Monday Thoughts

10 July 2017. Monday.

The headaches I'm having these past days are getting bothersome. I couldn't quite figure them upon onset. However, I've confirmed that two were related to flu and some monthly occurrence.

There's one that I'm suspecting to be worth an alarm. It has happened before and around times when I'm having other discomforts. If they're indeed related, I'm in serious trouble. And pretty young to be in such situation. And if I am right, every day - no, every moment - is a gift. It's like I'm past deadline, for the nth time.

5 May 2017

It's good to be back sweating outdoors.

14 straight minutes of 1.81 km sunset jog, minus the less than 1 minute climb. My jogging path is quite an altitude so bear with the numbers. Am not competing with anyone so I'm fine. Also thankful that my Saucony pair is up to the task. 🏃🌄 . 

Neighbourhood Dog

15 January 2017. Sunday

Saw this dog on my way back from my morning jog. Glad that I was not attacked because I did not know this dog. Turned out, she just lives in front of us. She must’ve remembered me (from my late night arrivals and before dawn departures) and got curious what I was like up close. Or maybe because I smiled and said hi to her. 🐶

Now Playing: Lea Salonga - Defying Gravity

Korean Dinner at Don Day

23 January 2017, Monday.

Just a week after having a Korean dinner with my college mate Angie, I've had another, which was a buffet, and this time with teh family though just Tita and Perry with the driver. It was the latter's treat.

We went to Don Day in Antipolo proper. The largest photo in the collage was my first set. I've added more. As always, I eat more than typical girls. The experience also made me eat more pork than I did in the last decade, or almost. I'm not fond of pork, and I don't eat it saved for some particular situations, but Perry insisted. Not complaining though. Good thing I jogged the day before and on this day's morning. It was very helpful.

Now Playing: Lea Salonga - Can We Just Stop and Talk Awhile

Last dinner in 2016 and first two breakfasts in 2017

It's already 2017 and I've been thinking how to improve myself this year. So I was thinking what were the most recent changes in me, in late 2016 that I'd be carrying into 2017.

For one, I've been eating more northeast Asian foods. Whether Korean or Japanese, I just couldn't get enough of the cuisine. I felt like I'm getting more in touch with my Asian heritage

Because why not? Asians are known for having a diet that helps prevent obesity. My last dinner of 2016 (above) was in Yanagi, a restaurant at Midas Hotel & Casino along Roxas Boulevard. It's obviously a Japanese restaurant but I did not choose it. It was there by default.

I also had a steak but I wasn't able to take a photo. Even so, it was like Japanese style beef steak. Point is, it's still Asian in quality.

Despite the options available and those I've tried, I think I enjoyed and wanted more the fruits.

Asians are known for eating fruits for desserts unlike the Westerns who prefer pastries and sweets. I guess it's one of the reasons why I'm becoming more "Asian" lately. The lifestyle is healthy and simply my bet. Of course Asian countries have pastries too but they just seem different than those in the west.

My first breakfast of the year consisted of lots of yellow foods. Except for the danggit and beef tapa.

I felt good when I ate fruits first before the actual meal. It seemed like I was craving for fruits. Too bad there was no citrus available when I had breakfast.


So I had soft scrambled eggs, slices of hard boiled egg, salted egg, roasted potatoes, a few mushrooms, tomato slices, beef tapa, and fried garlic rice.

My second breakfast of the day was not so Asian. Egg omelette, cucumber slices, tomato slice, lettuce, and five slices of smoked salmon. It wasn't spectacular. I just hope I got enough nutrients with how my breakfast was cooked.



I also had a fresh watermelon juice. I chose it for hydration purposes. But I didn't know it's mega overpriced. Thinking about it, the juice was more expensive than the egg breakfast. Methinks of clarifying the price tomorrow.

Well, I'm going to eat now. Writing about food makes me hungry.

Now Playing: Autumn's Child

Forced Eating

I've been into a lot of forcing myself to eat. I had to, lest I'd suffer other GI conditions. I also want to make sure that despite my loss of appetite, I'm still eating on time or around meal time.

I mentioned yesterday that I've suddenly had my appetite back but it was only for a short period of time. When I got home, it seemed like my appetite was lost again. Still, I ate. I even consumed 12 pieces of kimbob. Yeah, all of those on the right.

Whenever I think about it, I would be reminded of Shim Chung (Jun Ji-hyun) in Legend of the Blue Sea. No appetite, huh? So what happened to those two hard boiled eggs?

Anyway, I'll have to prep now as I'd be heading north. It's been a while since I've been to Pangasinan. The last time was also around Christmas time.

Now Playing: Gackt - Last Song

Conditional Appetite

I've lost some appetite lately that I even found myself not eating breakfast, lunch, and dinner yesterday on time. I had eaten lunch very late, but only because I forced myself to eat. It was the only meal I had yesterday. I don't know what happened. But my loss of appetite seems to have started when I was under the weather last week, which got me absent for two consecutive days.

So I was happy when I suddenly had the urge to eat earlier while I was in SM Taytay. I was already aware that I've lost appetite so I took note of what happened or what I was thinking at the time I had my appetite back. Well, if it had nothing to do with merienda time, I was particularly thinking of someone, whom I've only met yesterday. Also in SM Taytay.

Someone got the attention of the curious cat in me because my encounter yesterday was unusual. I don't want to write further, maybe in another time.

As I've also been thinking of Taiwan, especially Kaohsiung, lately, I decided to have some Korean dumplings which only cost $1 per order.

I've also ordered Bibimbop (?), which is a kimchi maki. I miss eating kimchi. I haven't bought another pack because I'll be going north this next couple of days. I'll just purchase it when I'm back from Pangasinan. But I wish I could go to Baguio before going back to Manila.

Now Playing: Utada Hikaru - Flavour of Life