I miss living alone. I miss unit 502 even my tiny room at Bautista Street in Manila. I miss just being me, attending to no one else but myself. I miss going to the grocery and cooking. I miss those slow mornings when I get to make my own breakfast - just chickpea pancakes - and brewed coffee. In the afternoon I would cook rice and just reheat the previous dinner's leftover. Looking back, dinners were my favourite meal. I'd make whatever I wanted to try, mostly Asian dishes.
A lot of times, I would watch some C-drama or recommended films. During those times, I would sometimes have a simple cheese board and a glass of wine. Sometimes two.
I left that life because of filial duty. I left Bautista by the way for a better living condition. 502 wasn't a perfect place. As much as I love the rain, I hate the trouble of looking after my things because of leaks. I even had to "cure" my rattan boxes. I tried a lot of things when I was in Batangas Street. And I'm glad I did those things. Of course I could've done better, but that's water under the bridge.
Despite the things I am missing right now, I dare say I lived in ways I dreamed of when I lived alone - both in Bautista and Batangas Streets. I lived some dreams without depending on other people to fulfill them. And even now I keep on thriving to live my ways, still according to my values of course. There are deviant times of course, but those were my call.
Cielito is such a yinyang. The last days had been troublesome though. Mea culpa. Now I am back to fulfilling filial duties. But I need to set distinct boundaries and end some things. I pray God would be merciful to help me. I really need to breathe. I need a space to be alone, literally. The travel time going to and fro work are still not enough to unload some thoughts lurking in my head.
Living another 502 lifestyle would be great.
But as for now, just living with responsible people will do.
Music: Mika Nakashima - 僕が死のうと思ったのは
