Unwell

I'm not sure if the reason I am not feeling well lately is pathological or stressed-induced. As we know, stress does shit to our well being and causes compromised immune system. So right now my left nostril is currently bothered with some drips, a.k.a. snot. Lol. At first I thought it was just the cold but it got persistent even until I got home and when I woke up today.

Speaking of stress, I'm not sure how much has been brought into my system when I found out about something. It was not really stress-stress but I was bothered with what happened. I almost lost something important but someone came to my rescue. And for days I didn't know the details. It was like a miracle. Though such still exists, God uses people to carry it out. So when I finally found out, I was totally surprised. Because why bother?

And what came after was witnessing two people's true colours. Someone, once again, showed up someone after recognition. I think to deal with this person, it's got to be something out in the open. Meanwhile, the other one is sincere. Unexpectedly generous.

Despite not liking the first one for things I've experienced, even from before, there is no condemnation. I only have to be cautious, and/or maybe be more profitable. Perhaps I could come close if such were the case.

Right now I am still feeling unwell. The snot is getting tolerable. There's always tissue. But the mental and emotional stress are really weighing me down. I don't know where and how to get started, or go back on track. 

They said that, "When the why is clear, the how is easy." But I just don't know. The how is fine, but the where is becoming more challenging. If it wasn't for this someone particular who came to my rescue, I'd feel so abandoned. And it's not because of what was done, but rather more of someone's thoughtfulness in doing it.

The burden feels lighter.

And I want to do better. For the sake of what that someone has done for me. For the sake of that person's belief in me. The feeling of abandonment I felt over this weekend because of someone, on top of the other abandoned occasions even from other people, has become negligible. It's easy to dismiss them.

I just pray I can repay someone who came to my rescue. And I pray to be able to do better, to have the strength to carry on these coming days, and have the drive, at least, to live. To actually live and not just exist. I still don't know how to be excited when I am surrounded with those who have burdened my heart.

At least there's God. For all the questions bothering me about His intent on my whereabouts, I am at ease knowing what had happened last week. And I got surprises yesterday. There is hope.

I am too burdened and unwell with my situation at home and outside. It's easier to let go and just obey God. At the end of the day, my accountability is before Him.

Now Playing: Sanctus Real - Confidence