Anxiety

I was having a GERD episode yesterday, which actually felt like an impending heart attack. And that gave me anxiety. Then the anxiety made the feeling of doom worse. I kind of worried that it would lead to that. My physical heart may be doing well, but my troubles keep mounting and I have no way out so it might not be impossible to suffer from angina.

But thinking about it, I wondered if I should sign an DNO notice.

This morning I've been wondering, what makes me excited? What makes me feel alive? What makes me look forward to experiencing it? And I wondered, how do people keep going? How do they get out of their rut?

And to those people of faith, how do they act on the word of God? But before that, how do they hold on to the word of God? I know God is faithful and true, but I can't seem to see the light.

If only I am the only suffering in the wilderness, in the desert, wherever it may be away from people. I think that would be fine. But other people get to suffer too. They get to be collateral damage. I don't know how to seek help. If there is healing for me.

I just pray that the Lord's hands would not be heavy against me. I can only take so much and I don't know what these are all for.

Not knowing if I am still of value, if I can still add value to others just keep my anxiety increasing. And this stress affects my stomach, triggering my tummy problems especially GERD. Then it makes the next or coming days worse. Such a heartbreaking cycle.

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