Previous post was a very long one. And I am still working on it. I am actually quite preoccupied with what one of the 27th NPG speakers said. It's quite tough. You know you have to take a particular road but you have to consider a number of things. And when you speak about it, you'd be told to your face that you've hurt them. As I've heard/read someone said, "The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off."
You're trying to compromise and balance things. In the process, especially if you keep going, you're going to lose yourself. But if you find yourself, some would and could be lost, if not die.
I am trying to answer a particular question. I haven't actually verbalized it, but in my head run a number of things why I should stop something. I could make use of a yellow pad for the list to support that. As to why I have to keep something going, I only have three:
1. I don't have my Father's approval. (Technically, I haven't asked yet.)
2. There's a particular thing to prove and lessons to learn.
3. I intend to keep my end of the "wish" (instead of "bargain.").
Among these three, only #1 seals everything. However, the next one is an indicator of the approval.
Ah, life!
This brings me back to the particular thing that I am preoccupied with.
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