Brain-Drain

I never thought I couldn't last more than four days of mental inferno. As of my current situation.

Working tirelessly had been second nature to me in my previous workplace. Not that due rest was prohibited, but every action was just accounted for. It's the world of construction after all.

Looking back what happened in the past week surprised me. "What happened" in the sense that how my entire system reacted to BS compromised everything within me. I dare say I wish I could turn back time and undo the accumulated body stress and mental fatigue.

Monday and Tuesday were another two consecutive days of 14-hour work. Quite reminiscent of the week earlier. I was asked to do the same on Wednesday but I could not. Thanks to my meeting with Ate Kay. But let me look back on Monday. I was having palpitation since late night that day until the following day. Not to mention I was having hyperventilation every now and then.

Arriving home past 11PM for two straight nights gave me warning signs of migraine. I had my brain felt like being drained and sucked into a quicksand on Wednesday. I was so sabaw that day and almost useless. Thankfully the meeting with Ate Kay allowed me to have time to "breathe." I simply couldn't wait for Saturday anymore.

I had to rest my brain and have a break from all the body stress so I decided on Thursday to file a sick leave. I wasn't sick but I just had to recover from what happened on Monday and Tuesday, plus the previous Saturday, Monday and Tuesday. However, my hyperventilations have become frequent. I thought I'd push myself until Friday and let whatever would happen on Saturday.

Friday came but I just couldn't make it. My planned rest happened a day earlier. But that didn't mean I just stayed in bed doing nothing. The rest I needed was a break from mental fatigue and BS. I could say I've been quite dysfunctional so I had to bring my system back to equilibrium. I just had to stop the accumulated BS. So my Friday was spent exercising and cleaning the condo. And another exercise. I had to make a non-pharmacological medical approach.

I still went on to take my sick leave on Saturday, which I'm glad to have done so. I was thinking of going to work on Saturday but I had the feeling I'm only a trigger away from fight or flight. And I was right. I got a call that just opened a pandora's box that needs to be addressed very soon.

We were invited in a BBQ Party yesterday. I came earlier than my colleagues. Most of the time, when I was neither participating in a conversation or playing with baby Duke, my mind was weighing what would happen if I take the fight or flight. I know I have to choose the former so I was glad when my colleagues arrived albeit quite late. Looking back on what happened this week, I've confirmed what really caused my hyperventilations.

So tomorrow is Monday, the beginning of another week. It's going to be another day and week of battles.