The Thing That Haunts

The thing that's been haunting me since I was a kid is giving me frequent visits lately. And it's not good. Definitely not good. I'm quite close to bringing myself to where I would bring patients with the same case. But I'm holding on. Besides, I made a vow.

Speaking of vow, it's one of the three (3) things that keeps me from trouble. The other two (2) are as follows:

1. God...

a. For God's grace... Indeed, it is only by grace that I am saved.

b. For God's kindness... His kindness gives me the confidence that I can draw near Him.

c. For God's love... Whenever I would think about His love and what it has done on the cross, I am just silenced. I can't help but be grateful.

d. For the hope in Christ... Knowing there is hope, and a real one, allows me to endure and keep going. Yes, albeit going through hell, like Sir Churchill said, I just keep going.

e. For God's mercies, which are new every morning. As I keep going, I know there is mercy and hope at daybreak.

2. I made a vow to God that I would not succumb to this thing that's been haunting and hunting me.

3. Ate Kay. Her kindness to me reminds me of God's kindness, for which I know surpasses hers. Also, she let me read a psalm to help me whenever I am haunted and hunted. Both gives me hope.

To make it short, I owe it all to God. He is the primary reason why I'm alive and well as of this writing. Indeed, He is mighty to save.

Whenever I am haunted, and hunted, I just let myself to be still and think of the goodness of the LORD. It usually takes time but I would take the time until I remember the position given me, and until I remember my vow. For if I ever break that vow, it shall be the end of me. And it shall be the beginning of my separation. What would follow scares me. It's something I don't want to be. I would rather go through hell than suffer the consequence of not keeping my vow to God.

I think I made the vow when I was in late college. I can't remember if I had it in writing, if I prayed about it, or if I did anything "ritual." All I know and remember is telling God that I would not succumb to this evil.