Murphy's Law

I am drowning with all these troubles. I could think of a bit of help, but I couldn't get everything I need. At the same time I am wondering, why. Why am I still breathing, seeing another day, and keep on living?

Of course, I know not the answer to these things. So I can only thank God for allowing me to live another day. But I am scared. I am worried.

Wondering until when this will go on, I can only wish to live each day as someone making sure not to waste Earth space. If I could ask God to turn back time, I would and I'd turn it back before all these started. I don't know if redemption will come unto me, but I wish God would be merciful to redeem me. I need that so much. I need His salvation.

I do not wish to trouble anyone, so I pray I could trouble God to look at me with kindness and mercy. I pray He would save me once again.

Now Playing: Aimer - Ref:rain

Stages of Recovery

I don't actually recall a so-called "Stages of Recover" when I was studying BSN. Nor did I encounter such after college. But I wonder if there is, even if it's just an assumption. If so, I'd like to check it and find out where I am at the moment.

Just like the previous year, August and September are troublesome months for me. It's like a season of visit to the abyss. I can't remember if I was able to pick myself up right away last year but for this year I think I've been quite consciously yearning for an early recovery. I guess because I had the awareness that the abyss is deeper and darker this time. I've been getting a lot of hits even back in July. Perhaps everything started in July.

Performance-wise at work, I think I'm making some significant improvements. My attendance is another story though. However, what's been hit big time from this abyss season is my business. There's been prolonged stagnancy and with this year or season's abyss visit, I must admit I've neglected it. I just couldn't push myself. And with my coping mechanism of isolation, things got worse.

Perhaps the Chinese dramas were what kept me going. And I think the turning point was when I met and processed BamBam for his departure from his last visit. I got excited and nervous at the same. I guess that was the feeling they've always been saying. I couldn't imagine such polarity until that Departure post as SA at the Annex. I was actually super late that day, and I thank God I was. Because I got to meet BamBam up close.

GOT7, GOT7! You guys always help me get out of the abyss and overcome my eclipse. Thank You, LORD, for these amazing men.

Now Playing: GOT7 - Eclipse