Wednesday Thoughts

For some reason I find fulfillment at the thought that I've done some laundry today, both having a new or recent batch and putting away those I had two days ago. I wonder why but finding oneself responsible for a task or two gives a different kind of peace of mind.

Because the truth is, right now my mind is going haywire for the lack of structure. I need to get things done but I can't seem to do it properly. I can't even get started. I've been too preoccupied with something and I really, really want to seal that goal. Please, LORD.

By the way, I am really satisfied with how my hair has been behaving since after taking a shower. I hope I can keep this style at work, and maybe during business meetings. And with that I want to keep growing my hair. I think it's been healthy enough lately that I can avoid the bruha look. But then there's hairfall. Perhaps it's because of stress. I should add more collagen in my diet.

Right now I am thinking of pressing my clothes. There's just a lot in my head. My goodness..
- Exercise and workout. Gym enrollment, perhaps?
- BYOB. Let's save money and guarantee healthy meals
- T.A. I need to submit it this Saturday!!
- Medical certificate
- Professional consultation
- Wisdom teeth extraction
- Dental consult
- Going solo HMO?
- Personal style
- New space. Studio or room with common CR & kitchen?
- Finances
- Business, of course. Definitely!

With all these thoughts, no wonder it's quite a challenge for me to gain weight. But the mass I want is muscle. Definitely need to keep the ones I have, maintain them, and add more. My body fat percentage has been freaking me out.

Now Playing: YUI - Good-bye Days

Unwell

It's day-2 of my troublesome headache. I still wonder what caused it. Though I've been pretty sleepless these past day, coming from change of shift as I am back to SR, I dare say I had good sleep the past night.

As of the moment, there's no headache episode. Thankfully. But I woke up this morning with it until I arrived in Makati.

Also, I had another panic attack last night. I was feeling uneasy but it turned into tachycardia and tachypnea when a fellow associate was putting his hand in fist form on my shoulder. Thinking about it, I must've felt like my personal space was invaded. I tried to avoid the first attempt but there was a second and a third, which really made me felt uncomfortable.

I don't mind when some people become quite touchy, but only if they've established enough rapport. I do not discriminate among genders, but I must really feel comfortable with someone to let them into my personal space, especially when it comes to physical proximity.

Anyway, the last time before last night that I had panic attack was last Saturday. I was heading to the big room when it hit me. I had to go down and manage my hyperventilation. I stayed in the building as I was planning to go back to the 9/F but my hyperventilation kept on for an hour. I think it didn't even fully subsided when I was heading home.

Speaking of going home, I was thinking it would've been better for me if I went straight home to rest. I asked if there was a training that day, for which I was told there was at 3pm. My bad, I should've asked if there's a training I could attend. My lack of clarity in my inquiry led me to waste time and suffer a panic attack.

But making the most of situation, I just took it as another day of self awareness. That I could get into a panic attack, which proven true as I just had one last night. There was also the realization that these episodes will become part of my life now until professionally addressed so I will just have to deal with it and manage it properly. How? I still don't know. I'll just compare "notes" from last Saturday and yesterday.

It's good to know that when I couldn't help but manage my hyperventilation with a paper bag, I was with Mentors Mayan and Renzo, it didn't feel too awkward and a big deal. Grateful that the latter is a Psychology grad and has better understanding of how to deal with people in situations. And as always, Mentor Mayan is someone who can always make you feel at ease and comfortable.

C'est la vie. C'est mon vie.

Now Playing: Hillsong United - Lead Me to the Cross