Is this my karma?

This was written back in April 2nd but I wasn't able to publish it, and I can't remember why. It's been months and looking back I don't seem as bothered as I was when I was writing this. Even so, I thought I should post it.

Someone's silence is bothering me tremendously. Then I looked back on the times I may have been "silent" with someone particular. Defending myself, it was because that person's messages were unimportant for me. And at times when I was upset with this person, just turned out *toot* isn't important to me. Unimportant enough for me to bother responding.

Then relating that to my current situation, I realized that it should be no big deal. I'm just not important to that person. And I haven't merited enough respect from him to at least get an acknowledgment. And as someone who doesn't push myself to anyone, we'll leave it as that.

I told myself weeks ago to only communicate things professionally. Nothing that can be considered even on the level of being acquaintance. But I didn't follow that rule, so here I am having this mental stress. But I guess it's good to know where I really stand.

This person I was talking about doesn't affect me like before. I'm having a sense of mental freedom and I would like it to keep going. It's always a great feeling to be able to think, speak, and act without reservations.

Now Watching: BamBam IG Live

A Fool

A terrible fool, that's what I have been. I don't want to make excuses with whatever is going on inside and out of my personal life, for my actions have yielded to results I am not proud of. And I am utterly disappointed, but at the same time I want to show myself the love and care I need. I do not seek them from anyone but God. So everything is between me and God.

But it hurts me so bad how things have become, for there are people who depend on me. And now they will be, and are, affected.

Redeem me, O LORD. Have mercy on me according to Your lovingkindness, for Your name's sake. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation. Let me live, for the dead will not praise You. And let me live with dignity. May people bless Your name when they remember me.

Save me, O God.